The Holiday
by Resa Aureus
Summary: Hermione requests holiday for the first time ever from her job at the Ministry. But how does a plan for a quiet week alone in 12 Grimauld Place library turn into a week's stay at the Burrow during their hectic Weasley family reunion? And which charming redhead catches her eye?
1. Dinner with the Twins

A/N. Hello everyone! This is the Fred/Hermione story I promised! It won't be as long as The Last Marauder - and maybe not as long as Prisoner either - but it will have about 20 chapters I think, give or take. This will be more fluffy and light than my other fics, but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

Note: There are only two ways this story is "AU" I suppose you'd call it. 1. Fred isn't dead - obviously. 2. I refuse to acknowledge JKR's epilogue.

DISCLAIMER: Hello, I'm JKR. Oh, wait. No I'm not. I am not JKR and I own nothing.

...~oOo~...

Chapter One: Dinner with the Twins

"FUCK!"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

"Almost there, yes, almost there..."

"Come on, baby!"

"UGH! ACK! COME ON!"

Hermione burst into the room, "What are you two _doing_ in here?!"

Fred and George turned to Hermione with grins on their faces, George's face also covered in soot.

"Playing Exploding Snaps, love," Fred said, his lopsided grin make Hermione instinctively smile in return.

"Want to join?" George asked. "I just lost."

Hermione blinked, looking back and forth between the twins rapidly, blushing. "Were you two doing that on purpose? All the yelling?"

The twins exchanged a look with one another before sing-songing in unison, "_Perhaps_..."

Hermione sighed, her cheeks still pink. "Don't either of you have anything better to do? You _are _adults, remember? You own a _business_? Why are you not working?"

Fred said, "For the same reason you aren't at the Ministry right now -"

" - it's our weekend off!" George finished.

The Burrow constantly had redheads of all shapes and sizes entering and exiting at all hours of the day, and the ones who've officially moved out - like Fred and George - were no exception. They knew that there was always a hot meal waiting for them at their mother's house, something that the bachelors of the family - again, like Fred and George - lacked in their own homes.

Normally, Hermione would be at the Ministry that weekend. It was where she spent seven days of her week. But currently, she requested a short holiday to get her bearings and catch up on some personal reading.

"GEORGE! FRED! HERMIONE! WILLIAM! RONALD! IT'S DINNER TIME!" Molly shrieked from the kitchen, the entire house rattling with the shrillness of her cries. The cabinet glass panels in the parlor threatened to crack.

"Of course it's dinner," Fred groused. "The place smells bloody awful."

"I've been meaning to ask," Hermione said. "Why does the house smell so weird? Normally Molly's food smells heavenly."

"Whenever Bill comes home for dinner, she makes him hare," George explained with a grimace. "The stuff smells so bad when it cooks, it stinks up the house for days! But if anyone dares complain -"

"Scary Mum comes out to play," Fred said.

Hermione only rolled her eyes and made her way towards the dining room with the twins close behind. She heard them whispering and sniggering, but dismissed it. They were probably just making fun of her prudishness, as they usually did.

Around the table sat a collection of her dearest friends. Arthur sat at the head, as always, and Molly was levitating trays and dishes to the table from the kitchen. Bill sat to the left of his father, the spot across from him open for his mother. Fleur was not in attendance, which Hermione found strange, but didn't think much of it - she'd never been a huge fan of the Frenchwoman, really. Fleur was always trying to do Hermione's hair or put make-up on her or choose her outfits.

Then, there was also Harry and Luna, sitting next to one another, Ron, Percy, and three open spots for Hermione and the twins.

The twins sat and Fred said sarcastically, "Smells great, Mum."

"Oh, shut it, George!" Molly scolded.

"I'm Fred," Fred said, sounding tired with the whole affair. "You'd think the fact that I have two ears might be some kind of hint, but really nothing's changed."

"Well, it isn't my fault!" Molly said as she dropped a plate of hare in front of Bill and a turkey in the center of everyone else. "With the both of you growing out your hair like you're fifteen again hardly helps!"

Harry said, "Why are you both growing out your hair?"

"Fred is just copying me," George said.

"No, George is copying me," Fred corrected.

"What rubbish."

"You know it's true."

"Boys, stop," Molly said as she took her seat beside her husband. "It's time for supper, not your bickering. Tuck in, everyone! Goodness, you all look starved."

Ron dug in like it was his final supper while everyone else took their time.

"Thank you for having me for supper, Mrs. Weasley," Luna lilted, scooping quite a bit of carrots onto her plate.

"You are welcome anytime you like, dear," Molly said sweetly.

From her seat beside Luna, she had a direct view across the table to the twins who were looking especially mischievous. Hermione was watching them with caution, one hand drifting down her wand, ready to defect any prank that could happen.

Having dinner with the twins meant putting your own life in your hands. It was a dangerous affair, because one of two things could happen. One, everything could seem perfectly innocent until something popped out at you. Or two, there be no prank whatsoever, but you spend your entire time eating being terribly paranoid and cautious, which really only satisfied the twins even more. It was a vicious cycle.

Hermione didn't want to give in to their mind games, but she certainly didn't want to be handcuffed to her chair by the bratwurst until she sang the "I love Harry Potter" anthem that was being played on the radios nonstop since the war's end.

But the twins' eyes weren't on Hermione. They were on Bill.

Just as the demi-werewolf reached out to serve himself the hare, the cooked rabbit exploded spontaneously, the pinkish meat splattering over everything and everyone.

"Oi!"

"FRED! GEORGE!"

"Son of a..."

"So immature."

"Merlin's socks, that was awesome!"

"Bloody hell!'

"How peculiar, I've never seen a cooked rabbit do that before."

That last one was Luna. The rest were a collection of Weasleys' shouts and exclaims while the twins laughed so hard their stomachs ached.

Looking absolutely simmering with quiet fury, Bill flicked a piece of rabbit from his long red hair and glared so darkly at his young brothers that even Hermione felt his silent wrath. But the twins paid no attention to his anger, they were reveling in their triumph.

Everyone was glaring at the twins, actually.

"Why do you assume it was us?" they asked in unison.

"Do you see any of us laughing?" Bill growled.

"We should have known better than to have dinner with them," Ron grumbled, stuffing a turkey leg in his mouth, ignoring the splattered rabbit all over it.

Arthur with a silly grin on his face said, "That was impressive, boys! Tell me, how did you manage to plant the explosives before -"

"ARTHUR!" Molly cried, smacking her husband on the arm. "Don't encourage them!"

"I'm sorry," Arthur said sheepishly before clearing his throat and turning to the twins with what was supposed to be a stern expression. "That was very rude, George, Fred. Very rude, indeed. And not at all funny."

Harry was hiding a grin and holding back laughter. Even Hermione was trying not to smirk. It had actually been quite funny, but none of them wanted to be the ones caught by Molly for "encouraging them".

Changing the subject hastily, Harry said, "So, 'Mione, you'll be dropping your stuff into Grimauld tonight, right?"

"Yes, if not tomorrow morning," Hermione said. "I still have a few things I want to pack."

"Hermione," Harry chuckled, "it's only a week, not a month."

"What's this about Hermione packing?" Molly inquired, forgetting completely about Fred and George's rabbit stunt. "And Grimauld?"

"Hermione's taking a holiday," Harry said with a proud smile.

Everyone gaped, some people almost spewed their food, and other snorted.

George said, "You must be mistaken -"

"- because our Hermione would never -"

"- not in a million years, I'd reckon -"

"- request for holiday!"

"Unheard of," George finished, shaking his head.

Hermione huffed. "I am just like any other hard working woman who gets overwhelmed by the daily stresses brought on by the workplace," she declared.

"We're very proud of you, Hermione," Fred said, "for being normal for once."

"But, dear, what in heaven's name do you plan on doing at Grimauld Place for a week?" Molly asked, her eyebrows raised in concern.

"The library at Grimauld is fantastic," Hermione said, "and it's perfect for the reading I'd like to catch up on."

"Leave it to Hermione to take holiday so she can read," Ron said with an eye roll.

"For once, Ronniekins is right," George said, eyes wide. "Who on earth wants to read during holiday?"

Molly joined in, "Hermione, that isn't a proper way to spend your week off from work, dear. You should be relaxing! Having fun!" Then she had an epiphany. "Oh! You can stay here! We're having our annual family reunion and you should join us!" she enthused. "Isn't that a wonderful idea, Arthur? Shouldn't Hermione join us?"

Hermione's brow furrowed. "I'm a little confused. What family reunion is this?"

"Every year the Weasleys and Prewetts all get together for a week-long family reunion," Bill explained while Molly already began fussing about the new plans. "Everyone takes the week off and meets here. A lot of our cousins camp on the property. Even Charlie comes around. And everyday we have different events and pot luck and cook-outs and games. It's a lot of fun, actually, and a nice way for everyone to meet the new cousins and cousins-to-bes. That's why I've been staying here these past few days."

"It's a great deal of fun!" Molly exclaimed. "And you simply must join us!"

"Oh, I couldn't impose," Hermione said, shaking her head. Anyway, she just wanted to read!

"But you must! You can use Ginny's room!"

"But where will Ginny sleep?" Hermione said, pulling at straws.

"She has a series of play-off things with the Holyhead Harpies this week!" Molly insisted. "She won't be able to make it, so it's absolutely perfect for you! I will not take no for an answer, dear. I can't even imagine you being locked up in that dusty old house on your week off from work."

Fred and George exchanged glances.

"You must, Hermione!" Fred said.

"Yes, you have to!" George added.

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable with your enthusiasm," Hermione said, narrowing her eyes. "You just want me here so you can prank me! Put hair-growth serum in my face wash or charm the shower to dye me pink when I stand under it."

In synchronization, the twins raised their right hands solemnly.

"We swear, we will be on our best behavior," George vowed.

"We won't even turn you into a toad!" Fred added.

"Honest!"

"I'll make sure they're angels, love," Molly promised sincerely. "Please? It won't be the same without you!"

"That's not exactly true, seeing as this would be her first year coming, Mum," Ron said.

"Shut it, Ronald!"

Hermione took a deep breath. Harry gave her an encouraging look and Hermione said, "Alright. I'll stay. It sounds like a lovely time."

"Just be careful about getting eaten by the Wargacks, Hermione," Luna said softly. "It is their mating season, after all."

Everyone's eyes widened and Harry sort of blushed and patted his girlfriend's hand.

"What are Wargacks? And why do they eat humans?" Ron asked nervously.

"There's nothing to worry about, really," Luna explained with a dreamy smile. "They only attack if your name has the letter G in it."

Hermione Granger, George, and Fred Gideon all visibly paled.

But Wargacks didn't exist...

Right?

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Do you think Wargacks exist? 3. What kind of events do you think the family reunion will have?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	2. His Chance

A/N. Warning: Annoying in-laws and talk of fertility.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I certainly wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Two: His Chance

"This is my chance, Georgie!" Fred said as he threw himself onto his old, rickety bed in his childhood bedroom.

"Don't you mean _my_ chance?" George said as he shucked off his shirt and dropped into his own bed.

"You're dating Amy!"

"You say that as if it's relevant."

"Shut up, George," Fred grumbled. "Hermione thinks you're a git."

"She thinks you're a git too!"

"But a handsome git," Fred said with pride, grinning.

"We're identical twins, you idiot."

"I have both ears," Fred gloated.

George glared across the small room at his brother. "That's low."

"My point is," Fred said, regaining his enthusiasm, "Hermione is going to be here, at Burrow, just down the hall, all week! This is my chance to prove to her than I'm not just her best friend's immature, goofy, prank-pulling older brother who owns a joke shop!"

"But, mate," George said slowly, "you _are_ just her best friend's immature, goofy, prank-pulling older brother who owns a joke shop."

"Hmm," Fred mused, "that's going to be a problem, isn't it?"

...~oOo~...

The next morning, Hermione woke up to a manifold of aromas and voices from the floor below. As a matter of fact, voices were seeping into her walls from every which direction, even from the wall with her window.

She rolled out of bed, wearing cotton shorts and a camisole, yawning as she went. Stretching her arms, she padded over to the window and drew the curtain to the side.

It was like the circus was in town. Already the vast property of the Burrow had three tents set up, many tables, two dogs chasing one another, and was peppered with heads of red hair. How many relatives did the Weasleys have, exactly? Surely they _all _didn't reproduce like rabbits!

Did they?

Suddenly feeling a bit overwhelmed about agreeing to staying for the week, Hermione tied her hair up into a knot and started towards the hall to examine the situations downstairs.

As she gingerly made her way down the steps, she heard the very familiar voice of Mrs. Weasley conversing with the voice of a stranger. Hermione stopped halfway down the stairs to listen.

"Oh, Molly, we have so been looking forward to this all year!" the unfamiliar woman said.

"As have we," Mrs. Weasley replied, though it sounded a bit strained. "The boys have been planning events for months!"

"Best tell Bill and Fleur to watch out this year! My son's wife just pushed out number for - did I tell you, Molly, six grandchildren now! - and they have been taking to morning jogs to prepare for this! Have you seen their new daughter, hmm? My new granddaughter?"

"Fleur won't be coming this year," Molly reported regrettably. "She has a bit of work to catch up on, apparently."

"Oh, what a shame! Is she pregnant yet? No? Well, I'll tell you, Molly, I thought it would be forever before I had my first grandchild, but it happened far sooner than I imagined! And now I've got six! Six! Can you believe it?"

A hand landed on Hermione's shoulder from behind her and she started about a foot into the air, but sighed a breath of relief when she saw it was just Bill and George. They were both wearing plaid flannel pants, Fred in blue and George in green, with loose ratty t-shirts. They looked thirteen again, truthfully!

"That's our Aunt Claudia," Fred whispered. "Dad's sister. Mum can't stand her."

"Who can blame her, really?" George grumbled. "She's always bragging about her kids and trying to compete with Mum. They've got a bit more money than us, you see, and a lot of their kids have posh jobs."

"Needless to say, Percy's the only one who really gets along with them," Fred added.

"How many kids does Claudia have?" Hermione asked.

"Four," the twins answered in unison.

"The oldest is about two years older than Bill, though, and the youngest is our age," George went on.

"And they take after their mother," Fred said with a grimace. "Very competitive. They're the reason we started the Couples Cup."

"Couples Cup?" Hermione inquired, raising an eyebrow.

The twins nodded, very serious-looking for once.

"It's when all the cousins bring their girlfriends to the reunion and compete for the week," Fred answered. "If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you can't play - well, for a few years George and I played together, but now he's got Amy. And at the end of the week, whoever has the most points wins."

"Wins what?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing," the twins said.

"Except bragging rights," George said brightly. "For an _entire year_."

"Which is worth more than gold in this family, I tell you," Fred said.

All three turned at the sound of a door in the hall opening and closing and footsteps coming towards them. It was Bill, wearing boxers and no shirt, his long red hair pulled back in a leather thong, a scowl marring his scarred face.

"I hear the harpy has arrived," Bill said, a growl audible in his chest, his lip curled. "I can smell her stench already. Do you know if Auggie is here yet?"

"Setting up his tent outside with his model wife and their three disgustingly adorable children," George sneered.

A feral grin crossed Bill's face. "Best go say hell then. Would be rude not to." He passed them, with that wolfish smile, jogging down the steps as he went.

Hermione's eyes widened. "I've never seen Bill like that before. Who's Auggie?"

"Claudia's oldest, his name's August," Fred said, crossing his arm. "He and Bill have had it out for each other since they were in diapers. Literally. You'll hear the story at one point during the week - it's always told, especially when the photo albums come out."

"It goes beyond normal family rivalry," George said as he started walking the rest of the way down the steps. "You'll see."

"I was under the impression that this week was supposed to be fun," Hermione whispering anxiously to Fred.

Fred smiled and said, "Oh, it is. Tons of food, lots of games, and usually a little bloodshed. Every year brings about a new story to tell the next year."

Hermione blanched. Bloodshed? What exactly had she agreed to? This sounded like the bloody Tri-Wizard Tournament, not a week of picnics! And that look on Bill's face... she wondered if that Wolf part inside of him was creeping its way out. Or maybe he just really hated his cousin, this Auggie fellow.

"Come on," Fred said, gesturing for Hermione to follow him to the kitchen. "As annoying as old Aunt Claudia is, she makes one hell of a crepe."

When Hermione and Fred entered the dining room, Hermione was blow away by the buffet of breakfast items being set out on the table. Bowls of exotic, colorful fruit creating a rainbow spread across the table. A big basin of porridge, pitchers of milk and orange juice, stacks of pancakes and crepes, bowls of things Hermione had never seen before but smelt like heaven. There were even heart-shaped muffins and cider doughnuts!

Hermione's stomach growled and Fred winked, knowing exactly how she felt, and enjoying the fact that she was gaping like a fish.

"GEORGIE!" Claudia exclaimed with a bawdy laugh, running out of the kitchen and into Fred. "AND FREDDIE!" she said, crashing into George and giving him big kisses on his cheeks.

The twins exchanged looks, rolled their eyes, and neglected to correct her. They merely accepted her over-the-top affections, accepting the fact she basically groped them, and went on to fill their plates with food.

Claudia was a very pretty woman with the the color of a ripe carrot, all piled onto her head in springy curls. She was thin and tall like her brother, but with a womanly figure, and a perky nose. She had no freckles whatsoever on her flawless, creamy skin.

Molly watched from the archway to the kitchen with a sour look while her sister-in-law smothered her sons.

Molly did not suppress her animosity, apparently, but Claudia's phoniness was almost worse. She was just so... fake.

Hermione had only shared Claudia's presence for a few moments and even she didn't like her very much.

"Oh, it's so good to see my favorite set of twins!" Claudia announced with a big, pink-lipstick smile. Her left front tooth was smudged with coral-colored lip paint, but no one pointed it out, just secretly enjoyed it. "Tell me, how've you both been? Have you got respectable jobs at the Ministry yet, like your father and brother?"

Fred and George shook their heads.

"I already told you, Claudia," Molly said, trying to sound calm, "Fred and George are entrepreneurs, they've got their own shop, now."

"Oh, yes, I know, but I thought that was more like a temporary hobby," Claudia said with another obnoxious laugh. "Surely they don't plan on doing that forever!"

Behind her back, Fred gave Claudia a two-finger salute, to which Molly shot him an admonishing look, but it wasn't as assertive as usual.

Claudia changed the subject. "George! We hear you've got a girl coming this year?" For a moment she got confused, seeing as the twins both moved, and took a moment to decided which one she was addressing. Purely by luck did she actually choose George this time. "What's her name? What does she do? Is she pretty?"

"Her name's Amy," George said. "She's training to work in the Regulation of Magical Creatures Department and yes, she is very pretty."

"When will she be arriving? I cannot wait to meet her!"

"I'll be picking her up around lunch," George answered. "And she can't wait to meet you either," he added with faux brightness. "After all, we've just told her _so_ much about you, Aunt Claud!"

Fred hid a snigger, but kept his head down and served himself some bacon onto his plate.

Hermione had been hiding in the doorway up until the point, when Claudia abruptly caught sight of her and said, "Oh, my dear, I didn't see you there! Who might you be? Are you Percy's Audrey?"

"Good God, no!" Fred said before he could stop himself. Molly sent him another scathing look. "Audrey's just garish-looking and a big prude."

Claudia then observed Hermione up-and-down like she certainly thought Fred's description could fit her, but Molly said, "That's Hermione! She's a very dear friend of the family! Hermione, this is Claudia, Arthur's _older_ sister." Molly seemed to take relish in saying the adjective "older" to describe Claudia.

"Nice to meet you," Hermione said cordially, holding out her hand, putting on the face she did when she had to face unpleasant politicians at the Ministry who she had no choice but respect.

"Oh, my," Claudia said, taking Hermione's hand and flipping it over three times. "A nail-biter! Nasty habit, darling. And look at these wrists! Like twigs! Dreadfully skinny, aren't you? And those hips... well, my dear, you certainly weren't built for bearing children, were you?"

Hermione looked down at her hips. So what if they were narrow! Not everyone could have lovely hourglass figures like Claudia! So what if she had a boyish figure? Clothes fit better on her, didn't they?

"I... wouldn't know," Hermione said, trying not to sound indignant, "seeing as I've yet to 'bear' any."

"I don't mean to criticize, dear," Claudia said with a wide smile, effectively smudging more pink onto her white teeth. "Some of us are made for being mothers, others aren't. Isn't that right, Molly?"

"I don't think Hermione's body shape has anything to do with her mothering abilities, Claudia," Molly said, busying her self with levitating more trays onto the table.

"Perhaps not, but that sporty frame will do you well in the competition, won't it?" Claudia said and giggled. "Fred, is that why you're dating this young lady? Want a step ahead in the Couples Cup, eh?" She did a big wink at a confused Fred.

Hermione had never been so insulted in her life! To imply that a boy would only be interested in dating her to help win a silly competition! And all this about her body shape and fertility! Good Merlin, was this woman absolutely archaic?!

George, Molly, and Hermione all opened their mouths and began to protest that Hermione wasn't Fred's girlfriend, but the loudest voice over all of them was Fred, saying, "Actually, I'm dating her because she's drop dead gorgeous and looks great naked, don't you, Hermione?"

Molly had never looked so appalled in her life, blushing to her hairline.

Even Claudia shut up for a good minute and George just look vastly amused.

Hermione was sputtering, "Uh... uh... um, I s-suppose...?"

Fred walked over and threw an arm around her shoulders. "And her fox-like body isn't the only reason why we'll with the Couples Cup! She's brilliant too. Brightest witch of the generation, so the Prophet says. You might have heard her name before? Hermione _Granger_? As in, the Granger who played a vital role in the defeat of Lord Voldemort?"

Claudia looked godsmacked, her skin paled even further.

"We've got the competition in the bag, don't we, pumpkin?" Fred said, dropping a kiss onto her cheek dramatically.

Still utterly nonplussed by this turn of events, Hermione mumbled, "I... guess?"

_Wait, why did he say I looked good naked? _Hermione thought, her mind spinning. _What about foxes? Voldemort, what? She's dating Fred, since when? Why is George laughing?_

_What is going on?!_

...~oOo~...

A/N. It it my honest belief that EVERYONE has an "Aunt Claudia".

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What do you think the story is about why Bill and Auggie hate one another so much? 3. Do YOU have a relative like Aunt Claudia? Whether it be a cousin or uncle or aunt?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	3. Harpies, Dragons, and Cousins, Oh My!

A/N. In case any of you were wondering, this little family reunion happens around Easter or early spring, in case you were curious about the season. :)

A small note! In the last chapter I started off with the part on the stairs by saying "Bill and George" instead of Fred and George. Obviously that was just my unhealthy obsession with Bill leaking in through my subconscious, and I am sorry - I hope you weren't too confused!

...~oOo~...

Chapter Three: Harpies, Dragons, and Cousins, oh my!

Once Claudia retreated back into the kitchen, Molly grabbed Fred's ear and dragged him down so they were on the same level.

"If you think for a second you are going to use poor Hermione to win a stupid game and show-up your cousins, you've got another thing coming, Fred Gideon!" Molly hissed, her cheeks flaring red.

"Mum!" Fred whined, trying to disengage his ear from her grasp. "If you pull much harder you'll really have a hard time telling George and me apart!"

"This is no time for your ear jokes, Fred!"

"He's right, though, Mum," George chimed in.

"George Fabian, quiet! Now, Fred, you will go back into that kitchen and tell your aunt that you are sorry for your inappropriate outburst and that Hermione is not your girlfriend and you will not be playing in the Couples Cup, you understand me?" Molly commanded.

Before Hermione could stop herself, she said, "He wasn't lying, Mrs. Weasley!"

Everyone looked at Hermione in puzzlement.

Hermione's face must have been beet red as she looked at the state of an ashamed, pained Fred. She cleared her throat and continued, "He and I are... together. Really."

There was a stretch of silence where everyone braced themselves for a Molly-splosion.

But Molly just released her son's ear and exclaimed, "Really?!" She looked actually excited. "Since when?! Why has no one said anything? Fred!"

Now it was Fred's turn to stutter in the hot seat. "Um... we were keeping it a secret until we..."

"Until we could announce it at the reunion!" Hermione finished hurriedly.

"We wanted to wait until a good moment," Fred lied.

"It was all Fred's idea," Hermione said, her words coming out a little too quick. "Brilliant idea, really. We wanted to, you know, see all of your faces, all at once."

"It was going to be priceless, really," Fred said nervously, putting on a fake smile. "A perfect photo moment! Totally unexpected! Right, pumpkin?"

"Right... sweetie," Hermione said, the words tasting weird on her tongue. "But, alas, Claudia found us out!"

"Oh, bugger! Too bad!" Fred snapped his fingers in "regret" and they both stared at Molly, waiting for a reaction to their tale.

And Molly started laughing. It was just a giggle at first before it transitioned to full belly laughs. George started laughing too, but mostly mockingly at Fred. Fred and Hermione emitted nervous little giggles, trying to fit it, but really they were just confused.

"Oh, Hermione, I always knew you'd be a Weasley someday!" Molly declared, sweeping into Hermione for a crushing hug. "Granted, Arthur and I always expected Ron, but no matter! Still, this is wonderful! I'm so happy!"

Hermione immediately felt guilty. The last twenty minutes frankly made no sense in her head, but it all came down to a few simple facts...

One: Fred lied to his Aunt Claudia.

Two: Hermione then lied to Molly.

Three: Molly was overjoyed. About a spur-of-the-moment lie.

Molly had always treated Hermione like a daughter, and she really didn't deserve to be lied to. But the whole morning had just sort of... snow-balled to this point. What would happen when Molly found out that it was all a hoax? She'll surely be sorely disappointed and probably very sad.

Molly was desperate for grandchildren and every time her boys got a girlfriend, she felt one step closer, and once it didn't work, she took it personally and mourned the loss for days.

Hermione glared at Fred over Molly's shoulder as she accepted the embrace guiltily.

"But, Mum," George said with a big smile, "wouldn't it still be nice for Fred and Hermione to make their grand reveal and everything?"

"Of course!" Molly enthused, pulling away from Hermione a moment. "I won't say a thing! I'll go tell Claudia to keep it a secret too!" She winked at Hermione and scuttled back to the kitchen, humming as she went.

"George!" Hermione and Fred snapped in unison once Molly was in the kitchen.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Now Mum is expecting us to make this big deal and tell everyone!" Fred growled. "All because of you!"

"What? You guys are already competing in the Couples Cup!" George defended. "It's not like everybody wouldn't have found out just by that!"

"But there's nothing to find out!" Hermione hissed, now glaring at Fred. "This is your fault!"

"My fault?" Fred said, aghast. "You lied to my mum!"

"Only because you lied to your aunt!"

"This is getting us nowhere," George said, stuffing half a bagel in his mouth. "I say we blame it on Aunt Claudia and get it over with. She's the one who drives us all crazy, always pressuring us and Mum with her holier-than-thou attitude. What's the big deal anyway? Just play the Cup this week, act all cute and in love and what not, and then a few days after the reunion is over, you tell Mum it didn't work out - he's too much of a moron, she's too bookish - and we all move on like this never happened."

Hermione looked over to Fred who seemed to be processing his brother's plan before saying, "Sounds good to me!"

"But I don't want to lie to Mrs. Weasley!" Hermione whined.

"We lie to her all the time," Fred said, putting out his hand. "We're partners in crime now, Hermione. We have to make this convincing. Are you in or aren't you?"

Hermione hesitated, biting her lip and looking out his outstretched hand like touching it would be selling her soul. Hermione prided herself on her integrity and honesty. Molly just didn't deserve this deceit!

"Or, of course," Fred said, "you can always go in the kitchen, tell my mum it was all a lie, break her heart and ruin the rest of the week for her, a week that she's supposed to be enjoying seeing her family without any worries and having fun."

Fred was right. It would bother Molly all week if they told her now, and at least by telling a teensy white lie after the week was up, it would let her down gently and maybe give her hope that Hermione would someday hook up with another of her copious sons.

"Alright," Hermione sighed, shaking Fred's hand before she could change her mind. "One week."

Just as the deal was done, big heavy footsteps rang through the hall towards the dining room, the pair of man's boots halting right at the entryway. The man looked at the table with a big grin and said, "Thank Merlin, I'm absolutely starved. Hey, Fred, George... and I don't believe we've met." He held out his hand to Hermione with a friendly smile. "Hi, I'm Charlie."

Hermione composed herself from the ordeal with Fred and Molly and shook his hand. "Actually, we have met. At Bill's wedding? My name is Hermione, I'm Ron and Harry's friend."

The dragon trainer's eyes opened wide. "Blymey, no way! Little Hermione! You've grown up into quite the lady!"

Charlie was tall and broad-shouldered and had so many freckles adorning his weather-beaten face, he looked nearly tan. He had the same quarrel with cutting his hair that Bill did, only his wasn't nearly as long, seeing as Molly had taken shears to it about three years before on Harry's seventeenth birthday.

"Thank you, Charlie," Hermione said with a flattered smile. She appreciated the compliment after just having her self-esteem massacred by their aunt. "You haven't changed a bit, I admit."

Charlie gave a full laugh. "I rarely change, love." He winked and grabbed a plate off the table to pile with sausage, abandoning his luggage on the side of the room. "Where's Mum and Dad?"

"Mum's dealing with Crazy Claudia," George said, "and Dad's outside setting up the maze."

Charlie scowled. "Claudia is here?"

"Just in the kitchen," George confirmed.

"Shite," Charlie muttered. "Uh... I'm taking breakfast upstairs while I unpack. Let me know when Mum is alone so I can say hello." The man levitated his luggage and made his way quickly up the stairs.

"Claudia," George sighed. "Prettier than the Mona Lisa, scarier than the plague."

Hermione was inclined to agree. I mean, if the woman instilled fear in a fully grown man who worked with dragons... what was Hermione's chances at surviving the week?

...~oOo~...

Hermione had wanted to make a run back home for better clothes to do outdoor activities in, but Molly insisted that she not leave for any reason and instead use some of Ginny's clothes. Molly said that her daughter had plenty of comfortable sun dresses and shorts that Hermione could borrow with no problem.

Hermione had been reluctant though. Ginny had a bigger bust and Hermione didn't want to feel like a little girl trying on mummy's clothing, like she usually did when Ginny forced her to where her clothes.

But with a few temporary charms, Hermione fit one of Ginny's sun dresses on nicely. She chose a lovely emerald cotton dress that came to her knees and no doubt would have looked remarkable with Ginny's beautiful red hair. But Hermione felt it would do. It had cap-sleeves and little flower-shaped buttons down the fitting bodice part. The neckline was a little low for Hermione's taste, but it was a pretty day outside and a little sun wouldn't kill her.

When Hermione finally made it outside, she was astonished. Above her head, cousins were arriving by broom, others were tossing a Bludger around the yard, the two dogs Hermione had seen earlier were still chasing each other, and little kids were playing hide-and-seek in the garden.

None of the official festivities had started yet, but under a big tent were tables with upside-down note cards in a row that looked important. And stuck to the roof, large and obvious from all points of the yard, was a blank scoreboard.

"Hey, Hermione!" Ron said, jogging over. His sleeves were rolled up and her was barefoot, and he looked flushed and excited. "Doesn't everything look great?"

"Definitely!" Hermione agreed. "But what is that maze for?" She pointed out, over the small river that split down the Burrow property out to the field where a huge maze started, and it went on and one, even into the forest.

"One of the events," Ron said with a shrug. "Harry sort of thought of it, with the Tri-Wizard Tournement, but this one is much tamer. Dad and I put it up."

"It is... impressive," Hermione answered.

"I've been sort of meaning to talk to you about something, Hermione," Ron said, looking a little bashful now. "But... see, last year I was able to play in the Cup because I was dating Lavender, but this year I was wondering if we could partner up? Mum would love it and it would be loads of fun!"

Hermione blushed and bit her lip. How did these things happen to her? "Um... Ron, I would love to, but... I've already kind of promised Fred that I'd be his partner."

Ron blinked. "But this is a... couples' competition," he said at length. "You know that, right? Which means you'd have to pretend to be all cozy with... Fred? At least if it were you and me, it would be believable!"

Hermione huffed. "I do not understand why all of you are so keen on lying to your mother!"

"We lie to mum all the time!" Ron said, exasperated. "Do you think half of us would still be breathing if we always told the truth? Be realistic, Hermione."

"Well, I don't feel great about it!" Hermione answered. "I feel nauseas and I feel a headache coming. And while I'd love to tell your mother the truth, it would ruin her week and I don't want to do that. So I can't be your partner, because I've already sold my soul to Fred."

Ron said, "That sounds terrifying. Why would anyone sell their soul to Fred?"

"I'm asking myself the same thing.

...~oOo~...

Once Fred and George were out of ear-shot of the rest of the family in the yard, George said, "This is perfect! Fred! This is exactly what you needed!"

Fred sighed and said, "I know, but Hermione is all disgruntled about telling a lie."

"Yes, but soon enough it won't _be_ a lie," George said, more excited than his twin. "You'll act like a couple in public and then she'll start to think 'this is nice, Fred's a great bloke' and BOOM. Mission accomplished. Mum is happy, Hermione doesn't feel guilty anymore, and you can finally say you got in Hermione's pants."

Fred raised an eyebrow. "You make it sound so crude."

"Let's just make this clear," George said. "The goal is to shag Hermione, right?"

"Yes."

"Then how am I being crude? It's true!"

"You're right," Fred said with a huff. "I just wish she was more excited. I am going to make a great fake boyfriend!"

"And she'll realize that soon enough," George assured him, clapping him on the shoulder. "Just think. In less than a week, Hermione will be saying 'famous-Quidditch-player-who-dumped-me, who?' and you'll be rolling in the hay with the fittest bookworm we've ever met."

Fred grinned. "Too right, brother."

"OHHHH TWIIIIINS!"

At the sound of the soprano call, both brothers blanched.

"No..." Fred said.

"It can't be..." George said.

"FREEEEED!" the same voice sang. "GEOOORGE!"

"It is," Fred groaned, smacking himself in the forehead.

"There you two are!" the nasally, high-pitched voice exclaimed, coming around the corner of the house.

"Hi, Cousin Tammy," the grumbled together.

"I have got SO much to tell you both!" Tammy half-shouted.

Oh, they were sure she did.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What bothers Fred and George so much about Tammy? 3. Will Ron find a partner for the games?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	4. Kneazle Fur

A/N. Obviously, all of you who read The Last Marauder know this, but for those of you who haven't - I have a fetish for mazes, labyrinths, anything of that sort. Growing up, they were the only pages I ever completed in coloring books.

Also, I have a fondness for puzzle boxes... as well as a strong dislike for underwear... And shoes. I just can't stand shoes... but that is here, nor there.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd be out on yacht, not writing fanfiction.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Four: Kneazle Fur

One thing that is important to make clear - Tammy was not actually related to the Weasleys or Prewetts in anyway. She wasn't any type of cousin, except by marriage. Tammy was the fourth wife of their Uncle Bilius, and really, he'd been married so many times that they didn't even think of his wives as family anymore, because in a few years they'd be traded out anyway.

Tammy was definitely one of the more verbal wives, though. And physical. And emotional.

Basically, she was like a walking-talking tornado that wore too much snake skin.

Fred and George just stood impassively as Tammy prattled on, hooking her arms through both of theirs and leading them back to the main part of the yard. She also didn't hesitate in pinching their bums and winking quite a lot.

As much as Tammy was a gold-digger, she was an even bigger cougar. Granted, the woman was thirty, but she liked her men young and her husbands old and rich.

Hence, the marriage to Uncle Bilius, Molly's oldest brother. The Prewetts had four kids. Bilius, the twins Gideon and Fabian who were now deceased, and then Molly.

Tammy was still talking, something about her fox-fur scarf running away or something - when the twins were dragged back into the very center of the main yard where things were still getting set up.

"... but enough about me!" Tammy exclaimed. "How are my favorite lads in the entirety of Europe! You haven't got girlfriends, have you?" She pouted. "Wouldn't want to make Old Aunt Tammy jealous."

"Actually, we do!" Fred said, thanking Merlin that the entire situation with Hermione had happened.

"Indeed," George agreed. "My lovely bird's name is Amy!"

"And mine is Hermione!"

"Well, where _are _they then?" Tammy demanded, tapping her crocodile scale pumps on the grass impatiently waiting for proof.

"Amy's not here yet," George said.

"Hermione! There she is!" Fred pointed a few meters away to the lovely girl of his affections with her hair wound into a braid and wearing a pretty green dress. She was in the middle of what looked like a frustrating situation with little Ron. "Hermione!" Fred called out. "Pumpkin!"

Slowly, Hermione turned her head towards him, shooting him daggers. "What?" she mouthed in annoyance.

"I want you to meet a very special cousin of mine!" Fred called back, waving at her to join him.

"Aunt, technically speaking," Tammy said to George, as if he didn't know. At times, Fred reflected, she really reminded him of Rita Skeeter, in that slimy, scarily attractive, but-wouldn't-touch-her-with-a-ten-foot-pole kind of way.

Hermione excused herself from the conversation with Ron and marched over, not at all in a ladylike manner and huffed, "Fred, I am not an owl to summon at will!"

"I wanted you to meet our cousin -"

"Aunt," Tammy said again.

"Right," Fred amended. "Our Aunt Tammy. Tammy, this is Hermione, my girlfriend."

Hermione held out her hand and said, "Lovely to meet you." Tammy, however, did not accept the handshake.

"A pleasure, I'm sure," Tammy said, sickeningly sweet.

Hermione looked to Fred with a sort of "what am I supposed to do now?"-look.

"Tammy was just telling us about her fox scarf running away," George said, sensing an oncoming awkward lull. "Fascinating story."

"It was actually kneazle fur," Tammy corrected a bit snidely. "And it's called a wrap."

Hermione's eyes practically bugged and Fred really regretted having ever introduced her to his madness.

"Kneazle fur?" Hermione squeaked. "That's just... inhumane!"

"I didn't say it was _humane_," Tammy said with a rolled eyes. "I said it was kneazle! No offense, George, but you're girlfriend is a bit... touched, isn't she?"

"Not 'human', you foolish woman!" Hermione snapped. "_In-hu-mane_! Cruel! Downright wrong! Vulgar and monstrous, to be honest!"

_Oh dear_, Fred thought, _here comes the house-elf activist on her soap box_. Although, he had to admit that if he found out that the species of his favorite pet was skinned for its pelt only serving to make people like Tammy's wardrobe even more ghastly, he'd be pretty miffed too.

"And, also, this is Fred!" Hermione said sharply, on a roll, pointing vigorously at Fred. "Not George, Fred! My boyfriend is Fred! And your shoes are horrid-looking! And looking at your dress is giving me a migraine!" And so Hermione stormed away.

Fred was still caught up on the part where she outright called him her boyfriend... not that is was true - yet - but it still made his head a little fuzzy in a good way when he heard it.

Tammy, her cheeks splotchy with pink through her caked make-up, sniffed and strut away, probably in search of her husband so she could order him to tell his younger sister that her sons had poor taste in women.

But Fred and George looked at each other and busted out laughing uncontrollably. That had been priceless. Hermione, all red in the face and passionate, while Tammy looked a mixture of horrified and utterly confused. Apparently it had never occurred to her that her wardrobe could be considered hideous or that she'd get the twins mixed up - which she always did. And that whole part about the beginning about kneazle fur had obviously be completely lost on her.

But then Fred realize that if Hermione didn't like Tammy, she was definitely not going to like the Terrible Triplets.

The Terrible Triplets were not actually triplets, despite their nickname. But they were Claudia's daughters, the three younger than Auggie, and they were as scary as they were beautiful. And their names and order of age were very easy to remember because their names, in order from oldest to youngest, were...

April, May, and June.

This is the kind of stuff you can't make up.

Claudia and her husband Uncle Gully - how he got his nickname was a story for another time - had actually named their children August, April, May, and June.

And they made Tammy look like an ostrich feather-clad kitten in comparison.

How was Fred supposed to seduce Hermione when his cousins were psychotic? He could not wait until his normal family came around.

Well... "normal" being used lightly.

...~oOo~...

Fred finally found Hermione some time around lunch, just after George left to pick up Amy. Hermione was in the empty parlor, sitting in front of the couch, curled up and holding Crookshanks close to her chest like at any moment someone would swoop down and skin him.

Shaking his head and smiling, Fred walking into the room with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Hermione didn't acknowledge his entry, just continued glaring at the floor and stroking Crookshanks. It was sort of frightening, honestly.

Before Fred opened his mouth, Hermione demanded, "Is all your family absolutely mad?"

Chuckling, Fred sat down on the floor next to, leaning back against the couch. "Not exactly. You've just had a few bad run-ins. I promise it will get better. Uncle Bilius is great even though his wife is a nut. And our Great Aunt Jessie is losing her mind, but the sweetest lady you'll ever meet, even if she dresses like she's in the era she was born in and won't ever call you by your real name. She thinks my name is Frank and George is Jack."

At that, Hermione smirked. "They sound... interesting."

"And we have a cousin Gertie and her boyfriend Garland. They're a lot of fun," he reassured her.

Hermione looked at him tentatively. "And do any of _they_ wear kneazle fur?"

"Not a one," Fred promised. "Well... Aunt Jessie might, but chances are she thinks it's a live kneazle and keeps it as a pet."

Hermione snorted. And then giggled. And then all-out laughed. For a moment Fred had wondered if she was going nutty like Aunt Jessie, but then she just smiled widely at him and said, "Thank you, Fred. Or should I call you Frank?"

"Darling, you can call me whatever you want." He wagged his eyebrows.

Hermione scoffed as her cheeks got red. "I'm going to have to get used to that this week, huh? Your overbearing flirting?"

"I've always flirted with you," Fred pointed out.

"Yeah, but to mock me," Hermione answered, her tone a little tighter than before. She picked herself up off the ground, hefting the massive half-kneazle in her arms.

Fred's heart double-skipped. "Hermione, I never meant to mock -"

"So, what's going on out there?" Hermione said quickly, cutting him off.

"Um... lunch, I think. There's a bunch of tables with different stuff on them. Most of the family is here, so they've all brought something," Fred explained.

"Sounds wonderful," Hermione said. "I'll just put Crooks back into my room and then... we'll make our grand entrance?"

Something about her tone had Fred... confused. But he nodded and stood up himself. "Sure. I'll be waiting here."

She gave him a half-smile before Fred watched as she scurried up the stairs with her familiar clutched against her chest.

Stupid lucky cat.

...~oOo~...

Saying goodbye to Crookshanks was difficult for Hermione, but she set out his favorite food, water, and a little saucer of milk so that he didn't feel deprived while she was busy dealing with the circus downstairs.

As she padded out of the room - locking it for good measure so that Tammy didn't get any ideas - Hermione started pulling out her braid. It was too school-girl, after all, and if she wanted to be liked, she couldn't be uptight. She already blasted in Tammy's face and all the memories of Fred and George teasing and taunting for being a swotty, prudish, know-it-all were at the forefront of her mind.

The teasing especially hurt when Hermione had a crush on Fred. All through Fourth and Fifth Year, she'd fancied Fred, admired him for his cleverness and aptitude for charms and - yes - even his pranks. Because they were all brilliant even though exceptionally against the rules.

And then she'd realized that she would always be their little brother's annoying best friend with freaky hair and got over it.

But being around him again, with him being generally nice and his flirty self, was making something in her heart - the part of her that was still a buck-toothed Prefect - stir. She shook it off and continued her way downstairs.

Fred was, just as he promised, waiting, leaning against the banister on the bottom step and when he saw her, he gave her that broad, all-teeth-shown grin of his. The kind of grin you couldn't help but respond to. Hermione smiled and he offered her his arm cheekily, saying, "Would milady like to be escorted to her afternoon meal?" and she accepted.

Once they were outside, they saw that George was introducing Amy to everyone. Amy was, to Hermione's pleasant surprise, a very pretty, albeit slightly pudgy, young woman. She had blonde hair that fell in ringlets and a big smile with round, cherub cheeks. She had what Claudia would call a child-bearing body.

Fred used to Sonorous charm to get everyone's attention. His voice carried all the way across the lawn of people and onward into the field.

"Hello, everyone! Fred speaking, not George!"

All the redheads shouted, "HI, FRED!"

"And this is Hermione! Hermione, this is everyone!"

"HI, HERMIONE!"

Hermione gave a little wave, her cheeks thoroughly pink. When he said "grand reveal" she hadn't been imaging this - literally, a reveal.

"And she's my girlfriend!" Fred announced.

All of the cousins, aunts, and uncles all cheered and applauded, but a few others had different reactions.

Arthur had that look on his face that meant he was trying to remember whether this was new or something he was supposed to already know but forgot.

The sandwich that was halfway into Bill's mouth dropped back onto his plate in his surprise.

Ron looked ruffled and frustrated,

George was still laughing like a hyena.

Charlie looked so perplexed that if he had his face in that position much longer, it would probably get stuck like that.

Then the crowd of aunts and uncles began chanting...

"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!"

Hermione looked up at Fed, her eyes the size of saucers, silently demanding "what are we supposed to do?"

Fred shrugged and bent down, grinning at her. He whispered, "You might want to close your eyes. It's a lot more romantic that way."

Bracing herself, Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and waited for his lips...

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. WILL FRED AND HERMIONE KISS?! 3. Which relative are you most looking forward to meeting?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	5. Dirty Hands

A/N. Sorry about the delay, guys. I've been disgracefully busy as well as a little sick. Never fear! Another chapter is here!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Five: Dirty Hands

Hermione was shocked when she felt Fred's lips brush only her forehead. A touched sigh rushed through the crowds of redheads at the tender sight, but a few of the cousins that had been hoping for more started boo-ing.

"And that's all you get to see, you perverts!" Fred announced once he pulled away. There were plenty of laughs, and a few more playful boo's, but that was about it before they went about their own conversations once more and piling their plates with more food.

With wide eyes, Hermione looked up at Fred, puzzled, "I-I thought... you were going to..."

"Kiss you for real?" he finished for her. Fred smirked. "Nah, I wouldn't want to scar you for life. Anyway, the first time you and I kiss... it will be a hell of a lot more monumental than something staged for in front of my family." Then he head whipped towards the tables of food, the aroma carrying over to them on the breeze. "Oh, wow, that sausage smells great!" And he was jogging towards it.

Hermione's head finally registered what he said. What did he mean...? "Wait... Fred! You come back here..." But he words trailed off and died as he confidence wavered. He was such a helpless flirt, that drawing attention to one of his many "lines" would just embarrass her.

"That was... an interesting show."

Hermione looked over her shoulder. It was George, his girlfriend Amy next to him.

George was grinning like an idiot. "Frankly, I had been hoping for some full-frontal snogging, but you win some, you lose some..."

"Don't be mean!" Amy lightly scolded. "You act as if you'd expected them to eat each other's faces in front of dozens of people!"

"I had been expecting them to eat each other's faces in front of dozens of people!"

Amy sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm Amy, by the way," she said, shaking Hermione's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, you know. War hero, that you are."

"Oh, thank you," Hermione said, still flattered every time someone recognized her. "I just did what I needed to."

"Yes, but you didn't have to at all! That's the amazing part, isn't it?" Amy gushed. "When someone doesn't need to help, but does anyway. A true hero."

George raised an eyebrow. "She never talks about _me_ like that."

Hermione smiled. "That's because I'm a _war_ hero, George."

"I am too!"

Amy giggled. "It isn't the same. She is _the_ Hermione Granger! She received an Order of Merlin, First Class at only seventeen!"

"I think my ego just shrunk a tenfold," George groused.

"Good," Hermione said simply. "You needed it."

"Oh, and by the way, Luna and Harry are here," George added.

Hermione beamed. "Really? Why?!"

"Mum invited them last minute," George explained. "Said it wouldn't really be the whole family without them. they were asking after you, but I think they were a bit shell-shocked with Fred's little... proclamation."

Sure enough, only seconds later a very confused-looking Harry and a dreamy-looking Luna joined the group, both looking prepared to ask questions.

Harry tried to seem casual at first, but the bemusement never really left his eyes. "Um, well, hello, Hermione. How have you been?"

"What he really means to ask," Luna said, "is when you started dating Fred?"

"I was leading up to that," Harry said quietly to Luna. "I thought I'd go through the casualties first, love."

"Oh, dear, my mistake," Luna said, not seeming repenting at all. "Perhaps we should begin the common pleasantries again, seeing as I've made things awkward, haven't I?"

"No" they all said and "not at all, Luna, really" and "awkward? Not awkward at all!"

"It's a... very long story," Hermione stumbled, trying to figure out where to start the tale.

"Ron looks about ready to burst a blood vessel," Harry said, nodding over to where Ron was steaming close by. "But he didn't scream, so I'm guessing he already knew before the little speech?"

Hermione nodded. "See, the thing is -"

"We have a crazy Aunt Claudia," George said for her. "She was insulting Hermione. Fred opened his big fat mouth. Mum got angry at Fred. Hermione covered for him. Thus the beginning of their fabricated relationship, seeing as Hermione doesn't have the bullocks to break our mum's heart."

Harry's mouth was slightly gaping and his dark brow was furrowing. "I'm not entirely sure I understood all of that."

"Trust me, Harry," Hermione sighed. "I'm not sure I do either."

George was looking over all of their heads towards Ron, then. "Guys... I think we've got trouble."

"George, I swear, whatever you're about to say can no way transcend the disaster of anything that's already happened," Hermione groaned. "And if it by any small chance does, just don't tell me. I won't be able to handle it."

But he didn't need to tell her. Because what they heard next, from their newest guest was more than enough.

"Well, if it isn't Little Miss Perfect Granger," a sneering voice purred from behind her. "I am just so glad that Ron owl'd me, because I am so going to crush you in this stupid little competition."

Slowly, they all turned to the voice with hesitance, reproach, and disdain.

Hermione tried mimicking the sneer that she received from Malfoy all through school and said, "I'd love to see you try, Parkinson."

...~oOo~...

"Since when is Ron on amiable terms with Pansy Parkinson?" Harry inquired as he, Luna, the twins, Amy, Hermione, and Bill all sat around their own table with plates of food in front of them.

Well, all of them except Hermione. She was feeling so nauseas from the day's events that she couldn't even imagine eating.

They all sneakily watched as Ron brought Pansy from table-to-table to introduce her to the family. She acted all smiles and butterflies with all of them, but only Hermione's table knew the wretchedness she was capable of. I suppose, that had been Ron's plan though. He had always been the strategist of the group - he had quite the advantage. Hermione was smart, yes, but Pansy was a Slytherin and they were known for cunning and ambition.

When a Slytherin wanted something, they did everything in their power to get it.

The Couples Cup had just become the Holy Grail. Anything went.

"After Lavender and him broke up, Pansy and him went out a few times," Fred filled in for him. "But she... was a little too intense for Ron. She's just a different speed."

Amy said, "Okay, I know I'm a... what do you guys call us again?"

"Muggles," all of them said in unison.

Amy smirked with a little blush. "Right. Muggles. I know I'm a Muggle, so I'm going to need a little background information. Who is this Pansy Parkinson?"

"She went to school with us," Harry said with grimace. "She was in Slytherin House and she was very close friends with our childhood bully and future arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy."

"I must say, she is thoroughly unpleasant," Luna commented.

"Tormented us, all seven years," Hermione mused. "Slytherins and Gryffindors just weren't... cordial."

Amy looked at her boyfriend. "Did she ever bully you?"

Fred and George snorted in unison.

"Please!" George chuckled. "She wouldn't have dared."

"We were popular," Fred added, smiling. "Not to mention we'd have pranked that smushed nose of hers right off her face if she tried."

"She used to look like a pug," George said.

"Very ugly."

"It's almost disgusting how's she's grown into a pretty girl."

"Where is the justice in this word?" George asked, shaking his head sadly.

Hermione frowned. "She once said I looked like a chipmunk."

Amy raised an eyebrow curiously. "How so?"

"Her teeth," Fred whispered to Amy.

Hermione whacked him on the arm. "Fred! Must you? I grew into them, didn't I? Must we bring them up?" She touched her mouth protectively. Always her teeth - why was everyone so hung up on her teeth?!

"Of course, pumpkin!" Fred said, kissing Hermione's temple cheekily. Her frown deepened. "Now, come along! We've got a lot more people to meet!"

"I think I'll finish eating first."

"Hermione, you haven't got a plate in front of you."

"Then I better get one then, shouldn't I?"

"No more crazies, I promise."

Bill snorted. "Right."

Fred shot his older brother a scowl. Meanwhile, Hermione blanched.

"He's only joking, Hermione!" Fred assured her. "Really, the rest of them are the good type of crazy. LIke Great Aunt Jessie, remember me telling you? She calls Bill 'Bob' for Merlin's sake! Harmless!"

Bill growled to himself, "Bob... I don't even look like a Bob..."

...~oOo~...

In the Weasley family, you weren't truly a member, apparently, until you were christened with a new name by Great Aunt Jessie. The woman wore a lot of old-fashioned, frilly lace and smelt like the heady garden flowers and moth balls. She was more blind than not, wore spectacles that were more like goggles, and her hair was a shocking snow white.

She was also partly deaf, which might explain why she never understood anyone's name.

And Hermione was welcomed into the family very quickly, but she deduced that had more to do with that fact that her name was difficult to remember in the first place than the aunt's hearing problems.

"Oh! Marnie, what a special name!" Great Aunt Jessie rasped, her magnified blue eyes blinking rapidly behind her glasses. She was always yelling when she talked. "Frank, you've got yourself a very pretty girl! She reminds me of when I was young! Come closer, dear," Aunt Jessie shouted, reaching up from her wheelchair and grabbing Hermione's dress to pull her down.

Aunt Jessie's ancient, gnarled hands ran all over Hermione's face, prying at her cheeks and dragging up her eyebrows, as if she was examining every inch of her skin with her fingertips.

"Ah, yes, very pretty," Aunt Jessie said as she pulled Hermione's eyes back, stretching them into slits. "You'll make Mary very cut grandchildren!"

"Does she mean Molly?" Hermione mouthed to Fred, who nodded, rolling his eyes.

Just then, a loud, resounding ring hit everyone's ears, raining over the property clearly. Everyone turned to the source, to find Arthur Weasley sitting on a broom, floating leisurely above all of their heads, very close to the score board hanging on the roof.

"Welcome, all, to the annual reunion!" Arthur said, his voice amplified with a charm. "Before we move on to the usual festivities, it's time to announce the official competitors in this year's Couples Cup!"

The Weasleys and Prewetts all cheered, laughed, and whistled in anticipation.

"First on the list we've got August Quimby and his lovely wife Crystal!"

As everyone applauded and the initials AQ + CQ showed up on the first slot on the score board, Fred pointed to the couple only a little ways away.

August was tall, lean, with the build of a runner, and with red hair so dark that it was nearly brown. His wife, this Crystal, looked like the model that George said she was. With silky, raven black hair that had an iridescent sheen to it and eyes so blue they were nearly violet, she was certainly stunning. And for someone who'd apparently had three toddlers and one infant, she had the perfect hourglass figure. She was obviously one of those moms that exercised the minute after they had a baby and possibly during the pregnancy too.

Bill looked steaming mad close by, his arms crossed and glaring without shame at August.

"Next!" Arthur said, with a big smile, "We have Percy Weasley and his girlfriend Audrey Winter!"

Magically sketched in the next slot: PW + AW

"Followed by George Weasley and his girlfriend Amy Smith!"

GW + AS

"And then, a surprise to all of us, I think - Fred Weasley and his new girlfriend Hermione Granger!"

Hermione swallowed as she saw the letters appearing onto the board FW + HG. Fred touched her shoulder and offered her an excited grin. He was ready for this.

"And another surprise couple," Arthur said, over the continuous cheering of the family, "Ron Weasley and Pansy Parkinson!"

RW + PP

Hermione and Fred shared a scowl while George mock-gagged nearby. Fred sniggered and patted his twin's shoulder appreciatively.

"And, finally, a couple that is related to us in all but blood... Harry Potter - yes, _that_ Harry Potter - and his girlfriend Luna Lovegood!"

HP + LL

Harry and Luna came up behind them and he whispered to Hermione, "I didn't know I was going to be playing!"

"Neither did I," Fred and Hermione said in unison. They looked at one another and she laughed self-consciously while Fred looked pleased. So what if they said the same things at the same time? He and George did it all the time!

"Oi!" Uncle Bilius shouted with a genuine smile up at Arthur. "You're forgetting Little May and her husband, aren't ya?"

That's when May and her husband, Jacob Patton, both stood up and May - a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes - said, "We've opted out of the Cup, because... I'm pregnant!"

And so the celebrating was rebirthed and champagne was passed around, along with stronger liquors. Hermione looked at the time. Late noon and the drinks were beginning. She chuckled to herself. The week would certainly be interesting, if not anything else.

George appeared on Fred's side, with Amy on his and the twins rolled their eyes in unison.

"Not again!" George said.

"Do they really need more kids?" Fred added.

"They're already got two, haven't they?"

Harry laughed. "This coming from the twins among a family of seven children?"

Luna said, "Your family certainly had a talent for reproduction. Curious, isn't it?"

Amy looked at George and said, "I swear, if we get married, you are getting one child and one alone, because I don't think I can handle this whole Brady Bunch thing."

Raising an eyebrow, George said, "But... why not two?"

"It's non-negotiable."

Fred said, "I am the first to say that a dozen kids sounds great, but the thing is that May and Jacob are both stuck-up pricks. But then again, what else would you suspect from Claudia's daughter and her chosen mate?"

Bill popped into the conversation at that point and said, "I'm just concerned about how many kids we have running around here every year. Honestly, everywhere I go, I'm tripping over midgets."

Fred and George gave Bill identical looks of confusion.

"What?" Bill half-snarled. Someone was grumpy.

"Even more than Fred," George said, "you want kids. You've always said so. The more the merrier, were your exact words."

Fred nodded. "Yeah, mate. Don't you and Fleur want your own batch of mini-yous?"

Bill's frown darkened and he looked even more cantankerous. He grumbled, "I don't want to talk about it," and stalked over to the cooler for a beer.

"I think," Luna said, "we may have broached a sensitive topic for Bill. Don't you?"

"Luna is right," Harry said, looking concerned, watching the oldest Weasley boy down a beer. "Something is bothering Bill."

"I thought it was that he couldn't compete because Fleur is working?" Hermione said, her head cocked to the side in thought. "You guys don't think they're having... marital problems, do you?"

"Well... I don't think so," Fred said, but sounded unsure. "I hope not, at least. It would break Mum's heart if they were."

George was shaking his head. "Divorce doesn't happen for the Weasleys."

"I thought you said Uncle Bilius was on wife number four?" Hermione said, raising an eyebrow speculatively.

The twins now put on identical lopsided smirks. "Uncle Bilius is the exception," they both said.

Fred said, "Always was."

"Always will be."

"He's just special that way."

"'Rich that way', you mean."

Harry smiled. "He seems nice, though."

"Nicest guy you'll ever meet," Fred confirmed.

"Richest, too," George added again. "But definitely the nicest."

"When he were small, he'd give us Muggle chocolate coins and tell us that we could either eat them, or trade them in for a piggy-back ride."

"But," George said with a smile, "even when we chose the piggy-back ride, he'd always let us keep the coins anyway."

Absently, Hermione smiled as well. She'd had a neighbor like that growing up. A woman next door who'd give her cookies and toys and let her help in the garden. Some of her favorite memories before the magical world were spent in that woman's garden.

But Hermione hadn't visited her childhood home since she'd sent her Obliviated parents to Australia during the war. And the sad part about he Obliviate charm was that it was non-reversible. So Hermione just didn't have the heart to return to her old home, where she was born, even to say goodbye one last time.

Hermione was trying to move forward, even if it meant leaving her Muggle life behind forever. At one time, she might have thought that her first day at Hogwarts was the break between wizarddom and Mugglehood, but she now knew it wasn't true. At least her parents had been ties to the life she knew before, but those ties were severed and there was no going back.

Hermione was eternally grateful for the Weasleys because if it weren't for them, she'd have no family at all.

"The first event, as always, is the Gnome Throwing at sunset," Fred said, breaking Hermione out of her train of thought. He smiled at her like there wasn't a thing wrong in the world. "It's like the true start of the Couples Cup, every year. So we've got quite a while before we need to get our hands dirty. You sure you're up for this?"

"Fred," Hermione said, putting on her best cocky smile, "if there's one thing being Harry Potter's best friend has taught me, it's that my hands are _always_ ready to get dirty."

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Who do you think will win the Gnome Throwing Round out of all six couples? 3. What do you think is wrong with Bill, and do you think it has something to do with Fleur?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	6. The Hair Gnome Fiasco

A/N. Again, I apologize for the delay - the semester has started and things have been getting crazy. Three months left of this pregnancy nonsense (hehe!) and I imagine updating might get even harder, so I will try to write as quickly and consistently as possible to make up for the delays there will be when the baby is born.

This chapter is, of course, inspired by the happenings in the Harry Potter books and the video games! When I was small, I would play Harry Potter video games on the PS2 nonstop. And I really sucked at gnome flinging.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Six: The Hair Gnome Fiasco

The sky became a pretty pinkish lavender as the sun just began its sinking. Hermione had spent the last few hours studiously avoiding the more nightmarish relatives and floating around her usual friends.

She did make a new friend, though. Granted, he was four year old, but it was still progress. His name was Henry and he was from the Prewett side of the family, though Hermione mostly forgot the connection to Molly - a cousin's child, she thought - because her mind was just so muddled with new names. Keeping up was getting difficult.

Amy felt the same way, thankfully. "What do they have against name-tags?" the chubby blonde said with a huff. Hermione chuckled and nodded.

"It does get a bit confusing, doesn't it?" Hermione said.

"And it doesn't help that they all look incredibly similar," Amy added. "I have never seen so many gingers in my life."

Laughing, Hermione knew what she meant. But then she remembered... "Amy, how did you and Fred meet? I mean, with your being a Muggle and all..."

"Oh! Well, I work at a coffee house," Amy said, "and one day, him and Fred came in with Mr. Weasley. I'm not entirely sure what, but they did seem peculiar right from the beginning. They dressed weird and looked at everything like they were in a museum. Mr. Weasley asked one of the baristas why the whipped cream came out of the can the way it did. And George did a magic trick for me when I was wiping down a table and I thought it was fantastic. So I agreed to go to dinner with him." She shrugged, smiling prettily with a light blush across her cheeks.

Curiously, Hermione said, "But how did you find out about the whole magic thing? Because, I'm sure you know the rules - wizards aren't really supposed to tell Muggles unless they're married. It's an awful rule, I think, and it breaks up marriages, but still..."

"Oh, well, George feels the same way," Amy said. "He told me on our fifth date. I didn't believe him at first, but then he showed me a few spells and well... I was so excited, it was insane. I started freaking out and immediately starting asking questions and asking him to get me some reading. Which is how I figured out that you're a war hero, as well as the whole Harry Potter ordeal with Volde-wart."

"Voldemort," Hermione corrected with a smirk.

"Yes, him," Amy said, grinning madly. "And I have to admit, I am deeply fascinated by it all. But, of course, you had to have been the same way, right? When you got your letter? You are Muggle-born, right?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I became nearly obsessed that first summer I found out I was a witch. Practiced spells, read everything I could, and made sure that nothing would set me apart from the rest of the students just because my parents were Muggles. But, of course, there were still those few kids, bullies, who made sure I felt different."

A small frown adorned Amy's face. "I know what you mean. My childhood bully's name was Dickie Johnson. I'm pretty sure he just made fun of other to make up for that atrocious name of his."

"Mine was Draco Malfoy," Hermione told her.

Amy made a crunched face and said, "That's almost as bad as Dickie Johnson..."

They both laughed and Hermione decided that she quite liked Amy and could feel the beginnings of a friendship brewing between them. She spent the rest of her free time before sunset talking to the girl while Fred and George socialized and harassed their aunts and uncles.

Then the time came where the sky started changing and Fred was at her side while the rest of the family flooded towards the gardens.

"Gnome time!" Fred and George hollered in unison, taking their girlfriends' hands and leading them excitedly towards the garden, wooting and making obnoxious comments as they went.

Most of the family was standing around the garden, making a horse shoe around the Couples Cup champions and all chatting gleefully in anticipation.

The couples were all in a lazy, uneven line in the middle of the shrubs and flowers, some of them holding beers and snacks. For a competition that seemed to be a big deal to a lot of them, they sure were lax.

Hermione was surprised when she found Fred drinking his own butterbeer and offering her one.

"But... wouldn't it be... disadvantageous to be even slightly inebriated for something like this?" Hermione asked, bewildered.

Fred shrugged. "This round has the least amount of points at stake. It's only a ten-point game, Gnome Throwing. Easy enough."

Hermione pointed out to the stacks of hay with bulls-eyes painted on them out in the field over the garden wall. "But this requires accuracy, doesn't it?"

Fred sighed and said, "Here's the thing, 'Mione. This might sound stupid, but the more indifferent you seem, the better your odds are. Do we all know that we all take this more serious than the TriWizard Cup? Yes. Will any of us admit that we take something so petty so seriously? Definitely not. So just... pretend like you think this is stupid, but go for the kill, okay?"

Shaking her head slowly, Hermione murmured, "This is... ridiculous." But she accepted the butterbeer anyway. "Let's get through this menagerie of immaturity and hypocrisy before I change my mind."

The game was simple enough. First step was for each couple to find twos gnomes hiding somewhere in the garden, stun it, and then keep its hold without being bitten and then each partner would hold its feet and spin, gaining momentum until releasing it towards the haystacks in the distance, and the couples would receive a combine score through each of their throws.

In the end, whichever couple who received the best combined score, received ten points on the board. Second place got five. Third place received one. The rest got goose-eggs.

The order of couples were chosen from a magic hate.

As Hermione watched the first couple, Ron and Pansy, start hunting for their gnomes, she realized that this wasn't necessarily an easy game. Each person had one gnome and one throw, leaving no room for a second chance or redemption if you messed up. There was no time to prefect a technique.

And she really hated Pansy Parkinson for being athletic when she flung that gnome with surprising accuracy towards the haystack.

"We have a word for athletes with that kind of skill," Amy said with a small scowl. "Steroid-users."

Hermione and Harry laughed while George and Fred asked, "What's a steroid?"

Pansy's gnome smacked into the second ring on the bulls-eye, giving her a score of two.

There were three rings, with decreasing value from the inside out. So the center was three points, the second middle ring was two, and the outside ring was one. If you didn't hit the bulls-eye and just the stack, you receive zero. If you missed the haystack entirely, you received a negative one, subtracting a point from whatever your partner scored.

Everyone cheered encouragingly for Pansy's throw and Ron waited for a high-five, which she snootily declined, leaving him hanging.

"Looks like little Ronniekin's girlfriend doesn't like him very much," Fred sing-songed tauntingly.

Bill, who was not very far away from the action, and the rest of the boys playing sniggered while Ron glared.

When Ron wailed the gnome, and he also hit the second ring, every gave the same polite cheering.

Next was Percy and Audrey, who were both office-type people. Audrey had a very sharp-panelled face and angled eyebrows, which made her look to be in a constant state of anger... or constipation, Hermione wasn't sure which was more accurate.

Needless to say, Percy for Audrey had much tolerance for the game in the first place, so they didn't try very hard. They both hit the outermost ring, gaining a combine score of two.

Next up was Harry and Luna.

Harry was a seeker. He had natural-born coordination and good eyesight (with his glasses, of course), so everyone expected a good score out of him.

What they hadn't been expecting was for Luna to score the first bulls-eye of the game.

Everyone broke out into enthused applauding and whistling.

Luna looked over at her boyfriend with that dreamy expression, and said, "Am I right in assuming I did well?"

"More than 'well'. Wonderfully, darling," Harry said, pressing a kiss to her forehead and she smiled, her big eyes glittering.

When Harry flung his gnome and hit the bulls-eye as well, Hermione said, "Fred, what happens now? They've already received the highest score possible."

"Well, if anyone else gets six points, then there's another round, but if not - they win," Fred said, smiling. "I'm glad it's Harry and Luna, though. If it'd been Auggie and his life first, I would have thrown something."

"Like a gnome?" Amy said.

"More like his head," George grumbled.

Despite herself, Hermione hid a delicate snort, pushing back a full-on laugh. Shaking her head, she couldn't believe how silly the twins were sometimes.

Next up, was Hermione and Fred.

Hermione took a swig from her butterbeer, hoping it would ease the pressure of dozens of people staring at her while she would most assuredly humiliate herself. Fred gave her an encouraging shoulder rub and smile. Something about the friendly touch and handsome grin settled Hermione better than the alcohol.

"I apologize in advance," Hermione to Fred said once she seized a gnome from its hiding place in a shrub.

"No pressure," he said easily, slipping his hands into his pockets, waiting for his own turn.

With a deep breath, Hermione began spinning. She remembered in the back of her mind somewhere about a train ride where Ron and Harry talked about throwing gnomes. There was something about only spinning three full times, otherwise risking getting dizzy and sick.

So that's precisely what Hermione did, closing her eyes as she did. It didn't take much to make her dizzy, after all.

She released the gnome.

But she had miscalculated her rotations. She had, in fact, only spun two and a half turns, flinging the gnome right into the mass of bystanders.

She hadn't realized until there was a shrill scream.

Tammy was shrieking. The gnome had awoke from it's stunning and was snuffling and grabbing on her head in confusion, its little claw-like hands clenching in her hair nervously, while the woman continued screaming, flailing her arms in panic and trying to shake it off.

"GET IT OFF!" she hollered while the crowd broke out in a mix of panic and hilarity.

Fred, George, and Bill were all dying, hunched over and clasping their stomachs from the intensity of their laughter. Bill was bracing a hand against a tree trunk to avoid toppling over. Ron looked slightly horrified, his cheeks and ears red. Pansy was shooting triumphant, mocking looks at Hermione. Percy was nervously circling Tammy, trying to find a way to help without getting whipped by one of her wailing hands.

Their Uncle Bilius said, "Calm down, darling," as he was doing the same dance as Percy, searching for an opening in her panic. She was freaking out like a chicken with its head cut off. "It won't hurt ya," he assured her kindly. "Just hold still!"

"BILIUS PREWETT, I SWEAR IF YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AGAIN, I WILL THROW A GNOME ON YOUR HEAD!" she cried out.

Mortified, Hermione recovered from her shock and hurried over to... do something, anything, help possibly. But the moment Tammy saw her, the woman's face turned the color of beet juice.

"DON'T TAKE A SINGLE STEP TOWARDS ME!" Tammy yelled as the gnome clung to her ridiculously tall pile of blonde hair, looking terrified in its own right, even nervously nibbling on her curls. "IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!" she shrilled.

With a sigh, her husband said, "Sweetheart, I love you, and I hope you'll forgive me for this."

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO - AAAAAAAHH! BILIUS! NO NO NO!"

Everyone watched Bilius throw his wife over his shoulder in the chaos, and a collection of women let out their own little screams when he unceremoniously dropped her into the garden pond.

Covering her face, Hermione could not imagine this going any worse, and it was all her fault. Even if the majority of the relatives were laughing, she knew none of them would forget who it was that caused the Hair Gnome Fiasco (as it would be dubbed in the near future).

Tammy's head popped up out of the shallow pond, soaking and gnome-free. The creature had hurriedly scurried out the moment it hit water and in its place were pond vegetation slickly sticking to her fallen blonde curls. She spit out a mouthful of water, her face mostly obscured by tangled, snarled hair. Her gaudy clothing stuck to her body like a second, muddy skin.

Before Tammy could start screaming again, Hermione ran away. With no specific direction in mind, she let her feet take her away - hopefully somewhere that she could dig herself into a hole and never face any of the Weasleys or Prewetts, ever again.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Where do you think Hermione will run to? 3. Will Hermione continue to play in the Couples Cup or leave? 4. What games would you want to play with the Weasleys?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	7. Practice

A/N. Alright, new chapter! As many of you know, I posted a new story called The Trick of Time. I hope you all go and check it out and drop me a review :) SORRY ABOUT THE UPDATE DELAY FOR THIS STORY, THOUGH!

Trick of Time synopsis:

"A devastating fire at a printing house in 1982 destroys every copy of a controversial memoir titled "The Trick" by Messenger. Well, the Ministry only thinks every copy was destroyed. In an attempt to recover one of the lost copies, Hermione takes an unexpected tumble through time itself."

(Shamelessly advertising my own stuff)

...~oOo~...

Chapter Seven: Practice

Crookshanks was a very peculiar creature, as said before. He loved his witch and chasing rats, but did not like, however, being abruptly uprooted from where he'd just sat down for a nap.

When Hermione flew threw the door of the bedroom with tears running down her cheeks and began promptly grabbing all her things, Crookshanks decided that his mistress was simply having one of those days where not even a nuzzle would calm her down. So he simply put his head back down on his paw and closed his eyes.

He had no been expecting Hermione to grab him around the belly and lift him.

"RAAAARRRRH!" he meowed angrily, hissing. He stuffed his claws into the mattress beneath him so that she wouldn't move him.

"Come on, Crooks, we have to go! We don't belong here!"

He gave her a warning growl that translated to, "Try to move me again, woman, and I'll claw your face."

With an exhausted, depressed huff Hermione dropped to the ground and leaning against the bed, curling her legs up to her chest and crying into her knees. She had never been so humiliated in her life. How could she have been so stupid? How did one miscount one through three? And she was supposedly the smartest witch of her generation! What bollocks.

She may as well return her Order of Merlin to the Ministry before they took it from her for being so stupid.

And now her stupid cat wouldn't let her leave! How bad could a day get? She woke up to meet a truly terrible Aunt Claudia, then got caught up in a lie to Molly, then she met Tammy who wanted to skin her kneazle, then Pansy Parksinson showed up, her and Ron were kind-of fighting, and now she accidently threw gnome into Tammy's head, ending in the woman getting dumped in a pond!

Maybe, if she was lucky, she would literally die of humiliation.

...~oOo~...

Fred had run right after Hermione, but the girl was fast when she wanted to be. He saw her disappear into the house, and when he entered right after, she was nowhere in sight. Luckily, though, his mum had made Hermione a temporary hand on their Family Clock and her face pointed to "Home" - so at least she was still in the house.

Then it became obvious, of course. He walked up the stairs and to her bedroom door and tested the knob. Locked.

He tapped his knuckles on the door. "Hermione? You in there?"

There was no answer.

"Can you please just say you are? Because otherwise I'll think you've been kidnapped and I'll have to kick down the door in a moment of sexy heroism, and then you simply won't be able to resist my charms - you'll be done for," he said through the door.

There was a muffle snort. "I'm in here, Fred. Now please, I'd like to be alone."

"Okay, then. You can be alone, but can we still talk?"

"That sort of defeats the purpose of being alone." Her voice sounded nasally and stuffed. Oh Merlin, she was crying.

"Not if it's through the door," Fred pointed out, knelling down on the hardwood floor to lean up against the door. "You're in there alone, I'm out here alone - we're both alone, but we can still talk. See?"

Fred heard her chuckle and he smiled. He heard some dragging sounds and the next time Hermione spoke, her voice was significantly closer and he could see in his mind's eyes, Hermione pressed up against the door, leaning her temple against the frame with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"What do you want Fred?" she asked softly, sniffling.

"I just wanted to tell you that you're brilliant," he said, resting the back of his head on the door. "You know, how you 'accidentally' threw the gnome into Tammy's head - absolutely brilliant."

"Fred!" Hermione said indignantly and high-pitched. "It _was_ an accident! Only you and George would do something so mean on purpose!"

Fred laughed. "You're right. You're smart enough to find away that someone else threw it into her head."

"I didn't want to hurt her," Hermione sniffled some more. "I just... I was counting three spins and stopped at two and a half by mistake. It was stupid of me. It's obviously a sign that I shouldn't be playing these silly games."

"Would it make you feel better if I said the next round was trivia?"

There was a long pause. "Is it?" she asked.

"No," Fred answered. "But if I said it, would it make you feel better?"

"No, it wouldn't! Because now I know you're lying!"

"Okay, okay. The next round is actually a puzzle thingy," Fred said. "Is that any better?"

"What kind of puzzle?"

"I don't know yet," Fred said. "But you won't find out until tomorrow."

"Too bad, then," Hermione said, "because I'm going to Grimauld the second Crookshanks stops being a prat."

Fred wondered how a cat could be acting like a prat, but instead said, "Come on, Hermione. I need you as my partner! And if you leave now, you'll never know what the puzzle is and it will bother you for the rest of the week."

"Not really," she said, but she sounded uncertain. "I... I just want to read."

"You can read," Fred promised. "You can read to your heart's content ever other minute that you aren't helping me kick my brothers' arses."

"This isn't going to work, Fred," Hermione said with a loud huff. "I'm not good at these kinds of things and on top of it, everyone's going to find out we aren't a couple. It will be even more humiliating than throwing a gnome into someone's head. Molly will be sad and everyone will be disappointed."

Fred sighed. Hermione was stubborn. This was going to call for more than his usual charm and humor. He was going to have to be... serious.

Oh boy, this was going to be absolutely no fun whatsoever, he thought.

With a deep breath, Fred turned around on his knees and faced the door, hoping she could somehow tell he was giving her a less-direct equivalent of looking her in the eyes.

"Listen, Hermione," Fred said, trying to sound honest and real. "I know you don't want to be here, and I'm sorry. It's sort of my fault. And I know this has been a really shitty first day, and it's supposed to be your holiday. But... it will get fun, I promise. And the food is great. And... I need you. Not just because I'm not able to play without you, but because it's going to be lots of fun being partnered with you. You'll see. But you'll never know unless you stay."

There was another long silence and for a moment Fred wondered if she'd Apparated away without warning and he'd been talking to nothing but a door.

But then the door swung open and, sure enough, there Hermione was - sitting on the floor only a foot away, her eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks flushed. Her expression was a mix of embarrassment and contemplating.

"What if I do something stupid again?" she said quietly.

Fred shrugged. "George and I do stupid things all the time."

She snorted. "Yes, but I'm not George, am I?"

"And thank God for that," Fred said. "Because otherwise I'd think my brother was fit, and that's just weird for all parties involved."

Hermione laughed, an honest to Merlin laugh. "Oh, Fred," she chuckled, "I may not be 'fit', but thank you anyway."

"Why do you say that?" Fred said, raising an eyebrow. "You are fit."

She shook her head. "I'm... nerdy."

"Yes, but you're the sexiest nerd I've ever met," Fred answered. "And that's saying something, considering books don't usually make anyone randy."

She laughed again, her cheeks burning pinker and then said, "Fine, I'll stay - just stop saying weird things like that."

"But, cupcake, you're my girlfriend, remember?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fake girlfriend."

Fred shrugged. "If I have a fake girlfriend, I plan to reap all the benefits."

One eyebrow arched in suspicion, Hermione asked, "What benefits are you talking about, exactly?"

"Oh, you know, snogging and things," he said, wagging his eyebrows.

"Fred, I -"

But she was silenced by his mouth pressing into hers. It wasn't a particularly long or passionate kiss, but it wasn't friendly either. It was a firm pressing of mouths before he yanked away with a smirk on his face.

"I told you," he said, "our first kiss was going to a lot more monumental than something staged in front of the family."

It was a tense, silent moment before they each laughed.

"So," Fred said, holding out his hand. "Are you in or out, pumpkin?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "I'm in, I suppose. I mean, how much worse could this possibly get?"

"That's the spirit!"

They began walking back down the stairs and Hermione asked, "Fred... that kiss... it was just, you know, _practice_, right? For when your family gets suspicious?"

With a barely noticeable hesitation, Fred answered, "Yeah, of course. Practice. After all, once we win, we'll have to spontaneously kiss and it'll have to be convincing!"

Slowly, Hermione nodded and hoped the dropping of her heart to her stomach wasn't too noticeable.

...~oOo~

It was one in the morning when Hermione, for whatever reason her subconscious created, woke up and had to go to the bathroom. So she did. But after visiting the bathroom, she slumped out into the hall in a long t-shirt, shorts, and crazy hair and she decided she wanted tea. Earl Grey tea. With a splash of milk and no sugar.

She stood next to the stove, still half-asleep, staring at the kettle, willing it to whistle before she lost consciousness and slouched forward into the stove flame.

She almost screamed when a deep, scratchy voice echoed from behind her, saying, "Couldn't sleep?"

Hermione knew she must have shot a foot in the air, but she significantly relaxed when she saw it was just Bill. Wearing boxers and nothing else.

"Why is it," Hermione said groggily and without thinking, "that whenever I see you, you're usually half-naked?"

Bill shrugged. "'Ts how I sleep," he said, rubbing at his brilliant green-blue eyes. "Mind if I join you for tea?"

"Not at all," Hermione murmured, reaching up in the cabinet for a second cup and saucer. "So what's keeping you awake?"

"Haven't slept in days," he said with a shrug. "Too much on my mind."

Raising an eyebrow, Hermione said, "Work stuff?"

Bill shook his head and released a sigh that seemed to be pulled from his toes. "Marital stuff. Word to the wise, don't get married. Ever. You won't like it, that much I can guarantee."

The kettle just started to whistle and Hermione pulled it off the heat and poured it into the cups, handing one to Bill. He didn't add any cream or sugar, didn't wait for it to steep or cool, and immediately began sipping it without even wincing.

"What's wrong, exactly?" Hermione asked. "What's the real reason Fleur isn't here?"

"She didn't want to come," he said with a shrug. "She doesn't like my family and she hates anything mildly relating to picnics. Don't know why. And she doesn't like kids."

"But Fred and George were saying you love kids," Hermione said.

Bill nodded. "I do. I want tons of them. But... Fleur doesn't. And I sort of need her to make that happen, you know?" He snorted dryly and sipped his boiling tea again while Hermione was still stirring in her cream and sugar. "We were in such a rush to get married, I didn't think to ask important questions like that. And now... I'm stuck, aren't I?"

A frown creased Hermione's face. "So you're unhappy? You don't love her anymore?"

"The pathetic part is that I do," Bill said, leaning against the counter. "Love her, I mean. And I'm miserable. Bit of an oxymoron, isn't it? I just think... maybe I didn't know her well enough when I married her to properly love her. The way Mum and Dad do, or Harry and Luna even."

"Hmm," Hermione murmured. "Interesting."

"What is?"

"I always thought you had to really know a person to love them."

Shaking his head, smirking, Bill said, "Unfortunately, it's not always as formulaic as that. Sometimes you feel what you feel and your impulses drive you. And love isn't ax explainable as that."

Biting her lower lip, Hermione asked, "So what are you going to do?"

Bill shrugged. "Stick it out? After all, Weasleys don't get divorced. Except Uncle Bilius - and he's technically a Prewett anyway. And can you imagine the satisfaction my failed marriage would bring Auggie?" He sneered, the expression rippling the scars adoring his face.

"I don't know about you," Hermione said, lifting her tea, "but those don't sound like very sound reasons to stay with someone. Do you think, maybe, you're just trying to convince yourself to stay with those excuses?"

His sneer smoothed into a frown and he grumbled, "Probably. Never mind the fact that I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me."

Then Hermione frowned as well, a sad frown. She nodded. "I know what that feels like."

"Do you? Did... did Ron -"

"No, no," Hermione said, shaking her head. "Not at all. Oliver Wood. I dated him for a while not too long ago. He night not have cheated on me - I'm not entirely sure - but he did leave me for another woman. It... hurt. A lot. I told myself that everything was alright and drowned myself in work, cutting myself off from everything. It really only made things worse."

Nodding in understanding, Bill said, "I guess you were lucky you weren't married."

With a big sigh, Hermione nodded. "Yes. Lucky. But I'm here if you need me, Bill. If you ever feel like you need to get out - for a sabbatical or for good - I have an extra room at my flat. I know coming back here would be a little..."

"Humiliating?" Bill finished for her flatly. "Awful? Miserable? The worst possible option?"

With a smirk, Hermione said, "Yes. All those things. I know I certainly wouldn't want to go back to my parents after a bad marriage."

"And you don't even have Molly Weasley for a mom," Bill said with a snort.

Chuckling, Hermione said, "Another way in which I am lucky. But in the same stroke, I'd kill for your mum."

"She can be great sometimes," Bill granted, "but downright horrifying at others."

Finishing off her tea with an unladylike swig, Hermione walked around to where Bill stood and said, "Goodnight, Bill. I hope you can finally get some sleep." She reached up on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

But something happened in the process where he tried to kiss her cheek as well and they cross the wrong ways, thus ending with their lips smacking onto each other's. They froze there in shock for perhaps too long before pulling back and hastily apologizing nervously and embarrassed.

They silently agreed never to bring the accidental kiss up again for the sake of it not being awkward.

But unfortunately for them, they hadn't been the only ones unable that night or looking to sooth themselves with tea. And from the little window joining the dining and living room, that kiss hadn't looked accidental at all.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Who do you think saw Bill and Hermione kiss through the window? 3. What kind of puzzle thingy will happen the next day?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	8. Mix-Matched Madness

A/N. Sorry about the delay! I've been preoccupied with The Trick of Time, as most of you know :)

The PolyPuzzle game in this chapter was, regrettably, not my idea. ALL credit for this wonderful little game is a very special reader and reviewer **Mrs. Regulus Arcturus Black**. So if you like that tidbit, send her a BIG thank-you messages and plenty of kudos!

I've decided to forgive March for every stupid thing he's ever done, because tonight I said, "I've been craving mint chocolate chip ice cream lately, isn't that weird?" And the first thing he did was pick up his keys and run to the store. The great thing is that he HATES mint choc. chip ice cream, so he did it JUST FOR ME! *squeals with happiness and shoves face with ice cream*

For every review, I am beyond grateful! Every word each of you have to say makes me smile and makes me even more eager to get writing.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Eight: Mix-Matched Madness

Fred saw that Hermione looked tired - exhausted, even. He wondered if maybe she'd stayed up late reading one of her books. Or perhaps she was still nervous about embarrassing herself again.

"Do you think Hermione is alright?" Fred asked his twin. "I mean, look at her. She looks like she's about to fall over."

George, who was never a morning person, and was exceptionally sleepy as well stirred his coffee thoughtfully. "I'm sure she's fine."

"Maybe a little light snogging with wake her up?"

George seemed very distracted, looking around. Fred assumed he was searching for Amy, who'd gone to get breakfast on her out. "Sure, sure," George murmured.

"Should I go talk to her?" Fred asked, sounding very conflicted.

"Well, considering she is your fake girlfriend, I don't see why not," George answered. "But then again, she's probably just... tired. Not everyone's a bloody ball of sunshine in the morning like your crazy arse."

"The early bird catches the world, my friend," Fred said with a grin. "Or perhaps its worm?"

"I dunno," George yawned. "But I know I'd rather have the world than a worm."

"Fair point, Georgie," Fred said, smacking his brother on the should twice before strolling towards Hermione. He said, "Hermione, I'm curious about a Muggle saying that George and I were discussing and -"

"Here's your tea," a voice smoothly cut in, setting a mug into Hermione's hands. "Mum said to make sure you got the first cup."

"Thanks, Bill," Hermione said with a grateful grin before the oldest Weasley boy then winked and walked away.

With furrowed brows, Fred inquired, "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Bill doesn't wink... ever," Fred said. "Especially lately."

"Don't be silly, Fred," Hermione said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm sure Bill winks often. Anyway, he and I are becoming friends, I think."

"Okay," Fred said slowly. "But remember... you're my fake girlfriend." He slid his arms around her waist and kiss her cheek. "And I refuse to be in a fake triad with my brother. That's just weird."

Hermione couldn't help but laugh and pat Fred's arms twined around her affectionately. "I promise I won't make you perform fake incest."

"That doesn't mean I'll share you either."

Rolling her eyes. "You're quite passionate about our non-existant relationship."

"Well, I need practice for when it's a real relationship, love," he said, wagging his eyebrows and parting with a kiss to her forehead. "Now, excuse me while I stuff my face with bacon and crepes." And he pranced away dramatically like a gazelle.

"What was that supposed to mean?"

Hermione gave a little jump and turned to the source of the question. Harry was right behind her, bleary-eyed and messy-haired.

Hermione shrugged in response. "Just Fred being his usual flirtatious self."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, raising one black brow. "Because he doesn't just flirt with you. He sounds more serious than that."

"Trust me," Hermione replied. "Fred still sees me as his little brother's wacky friend. No big deal."

...~oOo~...

It was around noon when there was a loud bell-ringing that filled the grounds of the Burrow. Flooding from the house came most of the family and the ones already outside strolled over to a tent set up in the yard. Under it was a table and lining this table were vials of a substance Hermione was very familiar with.

Why on earth were they going to do with Polyjuice Potion?

It was Bilius's turn to do the name-pulling and announcing. Apparently he and Mr. Weasley took turns hosting the games.

"Alright, kiddies," Bilius said with a broad grin. "This is called PolyPuzzle Palooza. It's very simple. There are two rounds. In the first round, each girl will drink one of the vials of Polyjuice and morph into one of the other girls. During which time the boys, of course, will be temporarily blinded and only be able to see once again when the girls have shuffled themselves and made their identities almost impossible.

"Then, you men, you will be able to ask a maximum of three questions over all, directed at a specific girl. To make this easy, the girls will wear numbers. The boy who figures out which bird is his first will receive a lovely ten points on the board. Then we will repeat the process in the second round, with the boys morphing and the girls guessing. The girl who picks out her bloke will also get ten points.

"Second place gets five for each round, third place will get one," Bilius concluded. "Understood?"

All the couples nodded, though Hermione got a tense feeling in her belly. Granted, she knew Bill, but not well enough to know who he was when he was in a different body. Then again, all she had to do was look for the sniggering fool making jokes at everything.

Amy looked at Hermione. "Can Muggles drink potions?"

"There's some debate about it in the potioneering world," Hermione said. "Certain potions are definitely intolerable for Muggles, but Polyjuice is supposed to be safe. Although, the effects are unpredictable and it won't last as long. But don't worry, Amy, I have everything you'd need in my bag if anything went wrong."

Amy visibly blanched, but nodded and put on a brave face before turning back to George and resting her head on his chest.

The girls all gathered under the tent as Bilius instructed. He said as the girls all collected, "Now, the questions you ask, boys, will be 'yes' or 'no' answers. And nothing as bloody idiotic as 'are you my girlfriend?', you got it?"

And then, with a snap of Bilius's fingers, the curtains dropped around the tent, masking the girls from all the boys' view.

...

Inside the red tent, Bilius told them all to pluck some hair and sprinkle it into one vial and then he scrambled them with a flick of his wand. Each girl picked one of the flasks and drank.

Of course, Hermione was prepared for the sour, rotten taste of the brew, but a few of the girls obviously weren't. Crystal Quimby and Percy's girlfriend Audrey both gagged and complained. Amy looked thoroughly shocked and greenish, but held it together while her features bubbled and changed into Pansy. Real Pansy drank the potion like she was used to gulping down foul-tasting liquids and changed into Crystal. Audrey changed into Hermione. And Hermione changed into Amy. Crystal morphed into Luna, who strangely enough, morphed into her.

It was all very confusing. But it came down to this:

Crystal was Luna.

Luna was Crystal.

Amy was Pansy.

Pansy was Crystal.

Audrey was Hermione.

Hermione was Amy.

As Hermione gnawed her lip, the curtains drew upward and the girls were all in different standing points than when they started.

The boys all looked at the girls, perplexed and nervous.

"Well... this is disconcerting," George said, causing a few girls and crowd members to giggles.

Fred nodded in agreement. To see your girlfriend only a few feet away but know it isn't her was, indeed... disconcerting.

Bilius's hand dug around in the old dusty top hat before drawing out a piece of paper. "Harry, my boy. You're up!"

Harry scanned the crowd of girls, each of which were holding up a little card with a number. He was looking for Luna's signature dreamy gaze in the cluster of women, but each of the girls looked a little confused and off-kilter and, knowing Luna, she was probably purposely acting out of the ordinary to throw him off.

He looked closely at the girl who looked like Hermione and asked, "Number Three... what is the origin of the Crumple-Horned Snorcack?"

Blinking, the woman said, "Excuse me?"

"Not you, I guess," Harry said. "Number Five -" the one who looked like Pansy "- what creature is known for stealing Luna's shoes?"

The girl giggled. "Um... gremlins?"

Harry's grin broadened. "Not you either. Can I save my last question?"

Bilius said, "Sure, just have to come back to you. Next up is... Auggie!"

Auggie, and then Ron, both wasted all three of their questions. The girls all had to remind themselves to act completely neutral, to not give any hints and make it fair. But Hermione could practically feel the heat coming off of Real Crystal, who must have been furious with her husband for being so stupid.

But much to Hermione's pleasant surprise, when George's name was called, all he did was smile and say, "Darling, I apologize you have to share the face of the pug-faced Slytherin. Number Five is my girl."

Fake Pansy's jaw dropped and then she laughed, "How'd you know?"

Bilius laughed and the crowd applauded. "Looks like we have our First Place!"

Ten points appeared on the board next to Amy and George's initials.

Amy, who still looked like Pansy, ran up to her boyfriend and squeezed him around the stomach tightly as the disguise melted off of her. Hermione had been right about the time flaws of Muggles taking Polyjuice Potion, but George looked relieved to not have Pansy wrapped around him like a pretzel and instead to have his real girl.

The next name pulled was Percy, who examined each girl critically before asking one question, to the girl who was really Crystal before requesting that they return to him later, like Harry.

"Next up..." Bilius said, pausing for effect. "Fred!"

Fred guffawed and said, "Please! The bird who looks like Percy's prude is Hermione. This game could not be any easier." He and his twin shared a high five.

"Hold on!" Real Hermione said, raising a hand. "I want to know, out of everyone, how the twins knew who their girls were!"

The rest of the crowd and contestants all joined in with choruses of, "Yeah!" and "Are you cheating?" or "Bloody hell?!"

The twins shrugged in unison. "Simple really," George said.

"Hermione has this terrible habit of biting her lower lip," Fred explained. "She'd been chewing at it since the start of the game."

"And Amy," George said, "looked incredibly uncomfortable and really intrigued by the shape of her body. Typical of a Muggle - she was fascinated."

Everyone made noises of understanding and what sounded like approval. Hermione, who was still looking like Audrey walked over to Fred and held his hand, squeezing it.

But Hermione couldn't help but secretly blush. Had he really noticed such little details about her? Or was it just that she bit her lip so often that it was obvious? But it was certainly nice, making a warm feeling in her chest, to be... noticed.

Unsurprisingly, the third place winner was Harry, because "Crystal" began swatting at her neighboring girl's head, muttering something about buzzing creatures. The Wrackspurt gave it away. So Harry and Luna, having won the Gnome Flinging, was now up a total of eleven points. George and Amy had ten. Hermione and Fred had five.

Next up to drink the Polyjuice were... the boys!

As Hermione's disguise disintegrated and the boys took their positions in the tent, Hermione's heart was stuttering. She may be good at puzzles... but she wasn't sure if she was good at Person Puzzles.

...~oOo~...

A/N. I know this chapter is a bit short, and I'm sorry. But I have a lot of fun planned for the next one!

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Who do you think will win round two? 3. How do you like the Polyjuice Puzzle game? 4. Any good questions the girls can ask?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	9. Do I Know You?

A/N. Apparently, this is my most popular current story because I've received quite a few messages in the last few days, urging that I update this story pronto! It's flattering and I love your enthusiasm :) Now, here's my excuse. You know hurricane Sandy? Well, she knocked out my power for about four days.

I'm sorry about that, really I am /: I was practically dying, I just wanted to write so badly and I couldn't. Also, for those of you who don't read Trick of Time, I broke my right hand. Yippeee!

I am telling you, 2013 better be a hell of a lot better than this shitty year *growls*.

Also, many of you noticed a few flaws in the game and who looked like who in the last chapter. For this, I apologize, but I hope we can move on and I will be more careful in the future.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Nine: Do I Know You?

The second round of PolyPuzzle Palooza went surprisingly quickly. Luna shocked them all by automatically choosing Harry out of the crowd. Crystal Quimby came in second place after asking all three of her questions. Third place went to, weirdly, Ron - which shocked everyone to the core. Pansy wasn't so ecstatic about her fake boyfriend knowing her so intimately.

And when it came to Hermione's turn, she realized that she was utterly screwed. She didn't even know what to ask. She was very nervous.

Everyone had watched her, waiting for her to prove once again that she was the brightest witch of the generation, or maybe to get some insight as to how two people so different as she and Fred could be together.

So she'd asked three questions and thought she knew which one to be friend, but because the questions had been about jokes and pranking, it could have been George as well. So she passed her turn and watched as the game finished. She didn't want to humiliate herself further by mistaking George for Fred - after all, she could tell them apart when they looked like themselves, just not... now. PolyJuice was confusing.

The game came to a close and it took a few minutes for the boys to all morph back into themselves. Once she saw Fred, he was grinning and looking positively indifferent to the fact that she lost.

"I'm sorry," she said to him. "I really am, I just -"

"No worries, love," Fred chuckled. "It's a difficult game."

"But... but you knew who I was without asking a single question!"

"I guess I just spend more time watching you," he said, bending down to drop a kiss to her forehead.

"I obviously need to work on my observing skills," Hermione groused, crossing her arms. "In all fairness, I narrowed it down to you and George - I knew who you two were, just not which was you... and I didn't want to embarrass myself further."

"I understand," he said. "I mean, we're obviously not quite... in the lead, but we have the rest of the week to catch up."

Hermione was still pouting though, chewing on her bottom lip. "You chose me as your partner because I'm supposedly the most intelligent witch of the generation, but so far I've done nothing but fail at each task given."

"Now, now," Fred said, "the first game was athletic - I never expected you to be an excellent athlete, Hermione. You like... books and things. And the second game, this PolyJuice madness, was mostly a game of luck. Worry not, my dear, we have plenty of games left for you to excel in."

...~oOo~...

That day, Hermione got the chance to watch all of the Weasley and Prewett children to play to their hearts' content on the property. They jump-roped and played Wizards' Hopscotch - it was an intriguing little game, where if you landed on a certain number, something good or bad would happen. One of the numbers - the 4 tile - knocked you to the ground while number 7 made you float and 2 tickled you.

Ron and Harry were in the middle of a very intense game of Wizards' Chess - Ron was winning, as always. No one could deny that he was definitely the better strategist. But Harry never minded, he was just determined to be better, get his practice in. Sitting next to him was Luna who gently leaned her head on his shoulder, making Harry smile and kiss her cheek.

They were the most adorable couple, Hermione thought. Harry and Luna were perfect.

Fred and George were off somewhere - something that terrified her to the core. When those two disappeared, nothing good could happen. She was very careful about what she touched and where she stepped from then on.

Amy was getting along with a lot of the witches in the family.

Aunt Claudia was losing her head, though.

Apparently, Aunt Claudia's biggest fear is memory loss in her old age, and George and Fred never failed to use that to their advantage. Before Amy had arrived, George had told Claudia that Amy worked in the Ministry - which of course had been a lie. A lie that, when Amy made it clear she was a Muggle, drove Claudia batty.

"No, no, no!" Claudia insisted. "You're a witch!"

"I'm afraid not, Claudia," Amy said hesitantly.

"But... w-what?" And so Claudia hastened to the kitchen to occupy her mind.

Somewhere, Hermione knew, Fred and George were laughing. No sooner did Hermione think that when George appeared next to his girlfriend, kissing her and apologizing for the little joke.

And then Fred appeared behind Hermione, making her jump.

"You startled me!" Hermione hissed.

"That was the idea," he reported with a wide smile. "And a word to the wise, don't touch the cake tonight."

Raising an eyebrow, Hermione inquired, "What exactly did you do to that cake?"

"Nothing too terrible."

"Why is there cake in the first place?"

"It's little Junie's birthday," he said with the most devilish grin he's ever seen. "And you know how we are - we like to deliver our gifts in more... unconventional ways."

"God save us," Hermione muttered to the sky. "Is the cake still edible at least?"

"More or less."

Hermione groaned.

"Now I am afraid I must be off," Fred said. "I have to do damage control while George preps for the finale." And with one last ruffle of her hair, he jogged into the house, George close behind.

Hermione was still hanging around the Ron and Harry chess match when someone came up behind her without a sound, but seemed to startle her far less than Fred.

"Who's winning?" Bill asked.

"Your brother," Hermione told him. "Naturally."

Smirking, Bill gave his younger brother a firm smack on his back. "Good job," he said. "Glad to hear you're following in my footsteps."

Ron scoffed. "I could kick your arse in chess, you know. I'm no longer your apprentice, but the master," he said pridefully.

Raising an eyebrow, Bill said, "Oh, really? I hope you like the taste of crow, little brother. Hurry up, Harry, I need to show my brother who's the real Weasley Wizard Chess Champion."

"You're on, Bill," Ron said, moving one of his rooks. He declared, "Checkmate. Sorry, Harry."

With a sigh, Harry said, "I really need to get better at this..." But he stood up from the seat for Bill to sit across the board.

"I'm black," Bill said. "Because last time you and I played, I won."

With a roll of his eyes, Ron flipped around the board and they began resetting the board.

Hermione, who held a certain abhorrence towards Wizards' Chess, decided to go hunt down Amy and maybe find something to do. She couldn't find Amy, though, nor could she find George or Fred - and when she asked around, no one had seen them either.

Oh, lovely.

Then a little girl with bright red pigtails ran up to her. She was wearing overalls and a pink shirt, splattered with mud. She looked the epitome of childhood, with a wide smile and a missing tooth.

"Will you play with us?" the girl asked, pointing to where the other little kids were starting up a game of Double Dutch.

With only a short pause, Hermione said, "I'd love to."

...

The Birthday cake had been... a disaster. It was definitely one of Fred and George's more interesting pranks, but ended in a huge mess, as usual.

At first, Hermione was surprised at the completely expected explosion of the cake, splattering all over the birthday girl, who sputtered and screeched and cursed. The shrieking split right through everyone's skulls while Fred and George laughed.

The unexpected part had been when erupting from the middle of the cake was a little chocolate carousel. It was about the size the cake had been and was decorated intricately with candy pieces. It was moving, the candy thestrals and unicorns moving up and down as it made its circles, singing out the classic calliope tune.

Riding each animal - there was a dragon as well and a broomstick, even, along with and Hippogriff - were members of the family. Candy Fred and George sat on top of the thing, making little high pitched "Woohoo!"s and singing Happy Birthday in their tiny soprano voices. Riding the carousel was a grumpy looking June with her two sisters, Candy Clauda running around the whole thing waving her licorice arms frantically. Their candy-version nieces and nephews rode it as well, singing and cheering.

It was a clever contraption and caught everyone's interest. June was still fuming about being covered in cake, but could not help but be as riveted by the device as well.

"It's beautiful, Fred," Hermione told him.

He swung his arm around her shoulders. "Thank you. When we were small, we used to go on the carousel at the fair every year. Its the only nice memories George and I have of April, May, and June." He chuckled. "The girls, not the months."

"Well, despite its unorthodox 'wrapping', it's lovely. Good job," Hermione told him, putting a friendly kiss on his cheek.

And it truly was lovely. In the wizarding world, it wasn't often that one could claim something was magical without it being par for the course - but that little carousel was very magical in a very special way.

"But on my birthday," Hermione said, "I'd appreciate it if you skipped the explosives."

With a grin, Fred said, "I make no promises."

...~oOo~...

The next two days passed in a flurry of fun and relaxation - oh, and weight gain. There was always food in the dining room and on the tables outside. Coffee and tea were constantly being brewed and the house always smelt like Christmas. Hermione happily participated in trivia and won her and Fred a wonderful twenty point while they were beat out of second place on the obstacle course by Ron and Pansy - damned athletic Quidditch players.

Even Bill seemed to be having a better time, or at least better than at the start of the week. He and Hermione had taken up long talks late at night in the kitchen with some tea. It became a sort of ritual. Hermione enjoyed the conversation - Bill was positively brilliant. He earned himself tewelve OWLs in school and he knew how to not talk about Quidditch constantly. They shared their experiences with the Time-Turner, something he himself used in Third Year to attend every class he wanted.

Hermione especially loved his stories of Egypt. About phantom pharaohs and ancient beasts with the heads of dogs and the bodies of men.

It was about two in the morning when Hermione and Bill finally turned in on Thursday morning. Bill ruffled Hermione's hair good-naturedly and kissed her forehead before climbing the stairs back up to his room. Hermione took a few minutes to clean up their tea things and then went to bed herself.

...

There was a slow, drawn out squeak. It was soft and it was barely enough to sneak through Hermione's subconscious, but it tapped the barriers of her slumber. It was followed by a few more taps, in the rhythm of footsteps. Hermione turned in her sleep, still deep in a dream that she wouldn't remember when she woke. There were a few more shuffles and light bangs and Hermione believed it was more nonsense in her dream.

Until a warm body pressed into hers.

Shocked from her rest, Hermione let out a horrified scream, which then mingled with another scream - from the person who'd just climbed into bed with her.

Almost in unison, Hermione and her visitor exclaimed, "LUMOS!"

Their wands lit and illuminated one another's faces.

"Ginny?" Hermione panted incredulously.

"Hermione?" Ginny replied in the same astounded, confused tone.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked, still absolutely floored and more than a little puzzled. She rubbed at her sleepy eyes and decided that she wasn't dreaming.

"You're the one in my bed," Ginny said with a breathless chuckle. "I should be asking you that!"

There was a long silence before the girls dissolved into giggles. Incredulous, joyous, exhausted giggles where they embraced one another and stared a bit more before resuming their explanations.

"I thought you had playoffs or practice or some such Quidditch things," Hermione said curiously.

"Practice for playoffs, yes, but you see, Charlie sent me a letter saying something about Ron dating Pansy and you dating Fred and... well, I had to see it for myself!" Ginny chuckled. "But, what are you doing in my room? Shouldn't you be in Fred's what with you two being secret lovers, of which you never told your best friend about?" Ginny poked Hermione hard in the chest accusingly.

With a sigh, Hermione went through the story for Ginny about what happened with Claudia and the Couples Cup.

"Interesting," Ginny mused. "But... how are you keeping the secret? Surely they're suspicious."

"Well... Fred cuddles me and kisses my cheek and things," Hermione said slowly. "He's a very convincing actor, unlike myself. I'm all awkward, but I've been getting used to it."

Then Ginny outright laughed. "He's hardly acting, Hermione! Fred's fancied you for years!"

"No, he hasn't!" Hermione refuted.

"Yes, he has!" Ginny persisted. "I heard him and George talking about you one day when I was in the tub. The curtain was closed and I was dozing, and they just marched in to brush their teeth. I was going to yell at them, but I heard Fred saying how fit you'd gotten and such. So I stayed quiet and spied. That had to be almost a year ago, now."

"Don't be silly," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. "Fred might think I'm pretty, but that hardly means he's interested in me." The fact made her heart give a little pang.

"Has he kissed you? On the mouth?"

Hermione blinked. What a change of subject. "Um... yes..."

"OH MY MERLIN, HERMIONE, YOU'RE BLUSHING!" Ginny whisper-screamed. "You like him! And he likes you!" How perfect!"

"I do not, and he does not, so quit it," Hermione said snappishly.

Ginny giggled, but didn't say anything else.

"On to more important things," Hermione said, "how have you been, Ginny?"

"I've been wonderful, Hermione! Absolutely fantastic," Ginny gushed, curling her legs under her. "I don't think I've ever been this great before."

Wide-eyed, Hermione chuckled. "That's brilliant, Gin! I'm glad you enjoy Quidditch so much -"

"It isn't just the Holyhead Harpies," Ginny rushed to say. "Hermione... I think I'm in love!"

"Oh goodness, Gin! That's great!"

"I think I've found The One!" Ginny went on, absolutely beaming. "And I just have to share it with you, because, well, you're my best friend!"

"Tell me all about him, Gin," Hermione said, crossing her legs and getting ready to hear the romantic tale.

"That's the thing, Hermione," Ginny said with a little, love-struck laugh. "It's isn't a 'him', at all. It's a 'her'!"

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Who do you think is Ginny's female paramour? 3. Who do you think will ultimately win the Couples Cup?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	10. Coming Out & Making Out

A/N. If there's something I'm known for, it's taking liberties. A certain character (you'll see who) featured in this story that IS from the HP-canon world is going to be slightly older than JKR intended. Only slightly, though. Because... I want to.

You'll see what I mean *winks*

...~oOo~...

Chapter Ten: Coming Out and Making Out

Speechless and confused, Hermione blinked a few times. "Oh, wow. Ginny! I'm... I'm very happy for you, but if it isn't too much to ask... Oh, how interesting this is. New developments and such. I'm not against this, Ginny - quite the opposite - but it seems a little abrupt..."

Ginny blushed and her eyelids fluttered shyly. "I know it's strange, Hermione. I'm obviously very new to this, as well. It's weird and unorthodox, but when it all comes down to it... well, I love her. There's no changing that, because believe me, I tried. It just feels... right. It's very hard to explain. Well, I'm sure you're familiar with the dozen boys I've dated over the years - and I've always felt something was missing. Who knew that what was missing was actually a pair of tits?" Ginny giggled nervously.

Hermione even laughed. "Well, Gin, I couldn't be happier for you. I mean, granted, Molly might just lose her head - her only daughter stands on the same end of the sexuality spectrum as all her brothers - but, hey, if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. Now. Tell me about this girl that's changed your life." Hermione crossed her legs, readying herself for the tale.

Ginny's nose gave a little scrunch. "You see, that's where things get complicated."

"As if lesbianism wasn't already complicated," Hermione chuckled. "Is she on the Harpies with you?"

"No, not at all... Although, you'd be surprised how many female Quidditch players swing the other way in terms of preferences."

"Hmm. Did we go to school with her then?"

"Um. Not really," Ginny hedged. "This is all very... awkward. She is so beautiful, Hermione, and she's ready to shout it to the world that we're together, but I'm not sure if I am. And she's slightly younger than me."

Raising an eyebrow, Hermione inquired, "How much younger than you, exactly?"

"She's in her last year of school," Ginny mumbled, twirling the end of her hair.

"Jeez, Gin!" Hermione exclaimed, her eyes widening. "That's three years younger than you!"

Ginny glared. "She's of age! And it's not as if we're doing anything unacceptable - she's at school, remember? And I'm traveling with the team. We've mostly written letters."

"Okay... so we did go to school with her?"

"Not quite. She attends Beauxbaton. I met her last summer when the Championship was in France," Ginny explained. "But I'd met her a few times before."

"Like... where did you meet her before?"

"Oh, only twice before, I'd reckon."

"Where?"

"That's unimportant."

"Spill it, Gin."

Ginny sighed. "Once during the Tri-Wizard Tournament and the second time at Bill and Fleur's wedding."

Hermione shut down for a full minute while her brain caught up to the information. "You don't mean..."

Ginny shrugged bashfully. "I do..."

"Fleur's little sister, Ginny?!"

"Shush!" Ginny hissed, putting her hands over her friend's mouth. "The entire house is still sleeping! You'll wake them up!"

"Ginny," Hermione said, quieter now. "She's your sister-in-law!"

"So?"

"So! I'm pretty sure there's some kind of rule about this!"

Ginny pouted. "No, there isn't. I checked."

"Does Fleur know?"

"Of course not," Ginny said, shaking her head hard. "I told Gabi not to. Anyway, I've caught wind of some things awry in Bill's marriage recently and I don't want to add this on top of it."

Hermione nodded slowly. "Yes. Bill and Fleur are having problems."

Ginny grumbled, "Stupid bint doesn't know how to be a good bloody wife, I'd bet. Never liked her."

"But apparently you rather like her sister," Hermione said with an incredulous shake of her head.

Ginny grinned. "I do. She's much sweeter than Fleur. And prettier. And kinder. All-around better."

"Well, goodness, aren't you biased."

"It's true!"

"I know," Hermione laughed. "And mostly I agree. Bill deserves better."

"I meant it was true about my girlfriend."

"Oh, well, yes - that too." Hermione paused. "Gin, who else knows about you and Gabrielle?"

"Only Charlie. He's my favorite brother," Ginny said with a shrug. "We write all the time. He's fine with it, says that as long as I'm healthy and happy that it's no big deal."

"I don't want to put a damper on your mood, but not all of your brothers might think that way..."

"I know, Hermione," Ginny said with a sigh. "But I'm prepared to do whatever need be for Gabi. I've hunted for this kind of feeling, 'Mione, and now that I've found it, I'm never letting go."

...~oOo~...

When Ginny walked down at breakfast, Molly basically exploded into a tornado of joy and excitement. All the brothers gave their sister hugs, hair-ruffles, and kisses while asking her all about the Harpies, their voices and questions all melding into a cloud of white noise while Hermione poured her tea.

"When'd you come in?!"

"Just this morning. Gave Hermione a right fright, I think!"

"Why aren't you with the Harpies?"

"Early wrap-up. Where's the tea?"

"Right over there, Ginny, right by Hermione, love."

Hermione poured her friend a mug of steaming hot tea and Ginny drank it weak and without any sugar or milk. She explained how much she had to cut back on unhealthy eating and drinking because of training and practice.

When Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ginny and put a heavy amount of sugar into her own tea, Ginny clicked her tongue chidingly and said, "My body is a temple."

"Then mine might as well be the loo," Hermione said with a shrug.

"Good morning, beautiful," Fred said, coming up behind her in a t-shirt full of holes and boxers. He dropped a kiss onto her cheek and rubbed her back affectionately. "Sleep well?"

"I did until your sister scared me half to death," Hermione joked, giving Ginny a playful elbow nudge. "She climbed right into bed with me in the middle of the dark, in the middle of the night, and we both screamed. It was terrifying."

"Ginerva Weasley," Fred said, pushing back his shoulders. "You should be ashamed. Getting into bed with a woman that's already spoken for." Fred gave an indignant huff.

"Oh, come off it, Fred," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "As if I don't already know that you two are big fat liars." She lowered her voice so Molly - who was only a few feet away, putting out hash for everyone - couldn't hear them. "Mom'll skin you when she finds out."

"As if," Fred said confident, grabbing himself a large mug of coffee. "If anything comes to light, I have a plan. I always have a Plan B and I'm insulted that you would insinuate otherwise."

"Oh, really?" Ginny said challengingly, putting her fists on her hips. "What's your Master Back-Up Plan, then?"

Fred shrugged. "Simple, really."

So fast Hermione didn't even see it, Fred whipped around, grabbed her at the waist and dipped her like they were tangoing before crushing his mouth onto hers. Shocked and a little off-kilter, Hermione made a loud squeal into his mouth as her body froze up, her eyes wide open, trying to make sense of the sudden kiss.

George and Charlie both wolf-whistled and clapped, Amy and Ginny joining in on the applause. Bill laughed lowly from his spot leaned against the wall. Arthur, always ready with a camera, took a picture, while Molly gaped. The few cousins that were making their way in for coffee and tea either stared or laughed, cheering Fred on.

"Fred Gideon Weasley! Everyone is trying to eat breakfast, my goodness!" Molly snapped once she recovered. "So inappropriate!"

Fred broke the kiss and tipped Hermione back up on her feet. "Sorry, Mum," he said with a jolly grin. "Can't keep my hands off her." He winked and continued to stir cream into his coffee.

Flushed and still shell-shocked from the abrupt and thorough - Merlin, was it thorough! - kiss, Hermione took a few moments before being able to move again.

"What?" she eventually said, although it was more of a squeak.

Ginny didn't looked impressed with Fred. "Really, Fred? That's all? You plan on distracting Mum by snogging Hermione if she found out? How juvenile!"

Fred shook his head. "Dear, sweet, naive, little sister... You obviously don't know much about our Mum if you don't think a little public displays of affection won't rewire her attention. Besides, you saw how she just reacted. Practically had a small heart-attack."

Hermione's body had melted from its rigidness, but perhaps a little too much melting because her knees felt like custard. Reaching out one hand to hold onto the counter to hold herself up, Hermione used the other to push back her masses of curls from her face.

Clearing her throat, she gripped her tea, and Hermione said, "Well, then. I'll just... go over here... then." And she went to sit in the parlor.

Hermione had never been kissed like that. Ever. It was spontaneous and passionate, not messy at all, and surprisingly precise. Fred had thoroughly kissed her to the point that her face continued to blush and her brain was squished to putty. Her stomach - and, admittedly, lower - was burning. One would call this, Hermione decided, "swooning". And, Merlin, was it amazing.

Ginny dropped down on the couch beside Hermione, whose head was still whirling.

"Well," Ginny said. "If I ever come out, I'll just cue you and Fred to snog while I go 'I'm a lesbian' - because let me tell you, Hermione, that was so hot that I don't think anyone would hear a word I was saying."

"Ginny!"

"What? It's true!"

"He's your brother!"

"I didn't say _he_ was hot - I'm saying the chemistry was! Not to mention the sexy way you went all stiff and board-like in his arms. Very convincing," Ginny chuckled.

"Shut up, Gin," Hermione said, but she was laughing too.

"Who knew my brother was a Casanova?"

"He's always been," Hermione said with a shrug. "'He's a superstar with the ladies'. George too. They're just irresistible. There's something brilliantly attractive about a sense of humor."

"Hermione, you fancy him. Admit it, already. You can't say things like that and still say you don't like him."

With a deep breath, Hermione slowly lifted her mug to her lips for a sip of tea before saying quietly, "Alright, fine. I like him, alright? He's handsome, successful, funny, intelligent. What's not to like?"

"And he makes you feel all squirmy and nervous and flushed," Ginny supplied.

"Yes, yes, all that," Hermione said impatiently. "But there's nothing I can do, really. This is all fake."

"Hermione." Ginny turned to face Hermione more head-on. "You are a brilliant, clever, sexy witch. You really need to find your confidence again, Hermione. What happened to it? You were so sure of yourself a year ago! What changed?"

Hermione's shoulder slumped and her face fell into a frown. "Oliver."

"He was one idiot, Hermione!"

"He left me for a Muggle model," Hermione said quietly.

"Don't tell me you're still hung up on him?!"

"No," Hermione said, shaking her head. "No, I don't care for him anymore. But just think. I'm smart, I'm successful, I'm stable and I can make a joke if I want to. But Oliver left me for a woman whose most valuable assets were... well, her _assets_. Something was missing in me, so he found it in a girl sprayed down in oil who poses on cars in bikinis for a living." Hermione stared down into her tea, looking quite miserable.

"You think... he left you because you weren't pretty?"

"Well, it's obvious enough."

"I repeat what I said earlier," Ginny said, reaching out and squeezing one of Hermione's hands. "Oliver was an idiot who didn't see the treasure right in front of him. You're amazing, 'Mione! And Fred is crazy for you. You know he won't drop you for an oiled-up slag."

"I know..." Hermione admitted quietly.

"Good. Now it's time you reclaimed your sexy side. I heard you've been wearing my clothes?"

"Yes..."

"Well, today we're bringing out the big guns, as the Muggles say!" Ginny said with a broad smile. "Finish your tea and lets head up to get dressed before everyone finishes getting breakfast. We can make a grand entrance!"

"I'm not very good at grand entrances," Hermione said.

"Oh, please. The room stopped when you came in for the Yule Ball in your Fourth Year. Remember: Confidence!"

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What will Ginny dress Hermione up in? 3. How will Ginny break the news to the rest of the family?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	11. Puppy Eyes & Mating Habits

those who don't read Trick of Time, here's a little update with my plans:

Alright people, my brain is bursting with ideas for stories. And of course, I can't write them all at once, I'd drive myself insane, so I've been scratching them down and putting them aside. I've already put a few ideas to rest, and I've made commitment to other readers, and just, OI! Who knew this would be so difficult?

But here's what's coming up in the world of Resa Aureus Fanfiction once The Holiday and The Trick of Time are mostly finished:

1. A new Bill/Hermione. A reader requested it and its one of my soft-spot pairings. Plus, there just isn't enough of this pairing out there - I have to fix that!

2. I am dying - DYING - to write a time-travel Lucius/Hermione story, but I have no idea where to start. It'd probably be a VERY short one. Ever since I wrote TLM and fell in love with Lucius, I've just wanted to play with him (in more ways than one *winks*)

3. I NEED TO WRITE A REMUS/SIRIUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE THE SKILL TO PULL IT OFF. *frowns* I'll have to do my Wolfstar research before tackling that one.

Obviously, I need to get back to Captive. I am a negligent author *shame*

...~oOo~...

Chapter Eleven: Puppy Eyes & Mating Habits

Fred was in the middle of slipping a dungbomb into Percy's girlfriend's pocket when the light tapping of footsteps came down the stairs and he turned to see who was rolling out of bed so late in the morning and would have the unlucky privilege of eating cold hash.

It was not, he saw, a late waker. It was, instead, Hermione...

But she didn't exactly look like Hermione.

And Fred was speechless. Which, and anyone who knew Fred knew this, was very difficult to do.

She wore short shorts. And not the normal length, stops just before the knee, shorts - but shorter! Hermione was apparently very aware of this and was self-consciously yanking on them, trying to tug them downward, but only revealing a strip of pale belly in doing so. She wore a simple light pink tank top-camisole thing that dipped low enough to show more cleavage than the girl had ever before and the stretch cotton hugged tight to her sides and chest, leaving nothing to the imagine in terms of her shape.

Fred had always known Hermione was thin, but he'd had no idea how many curves she had. The curve of her hips, trailing down into a perky, firm, round bum, and creamy thighs that turned into lean legs. Wearing those shorts added a mile to her legs, making her look longer. Her arms are bare, as were her legs, and she had on pretty sandals that he recognized as Ginny's.

Then, of course, her hair was down and around her face, not in its normal frizz, but in a more controlled madness that made it look intentional. Her eyes looked bigger and he realized it was due to light eye-liner and mascara, her lips looked moister with a little lip gloss.

"What cloud did that goddess fall off of?" George asked after a low, appreciative whistle.

Amy glared at him and elbowed him hard in the gut, something that Fred was happy to join in on.

"Quit your ogling," Amy hissed.

"Yeah!" Fred said. "She's mine, so back off." Then he - perhaps with a little too much enthusiasm - rushed up to Hermione as she took the last step down the stairs. His little sister was right behind her, wearing a short denim skirt and a blue tank top, her long strawberry blonde hair tossed up into a perky ponytail.

"Careful not to drool, Fred," Ginny said with a cheeky smile.

"How can I not?" Fred said, grinning at Hermione. "You look great, pumpkin. Very sexy." He kissed her temple and went on, "Everyone's finishing up breakfast, but I was thinking you and I could get in some flying practice before anyone else gets the chance."

"Um... why?" Hermione asked, her gut dropping at the thought of getting on a broom.

"Why, we're playing Quidditch today, of course!" he announced with a big, goofy smile.

Hermione's face curled into a frown. "Can't Ginny take my place? Just for today?"

"But... that's weird."

"She's a professional Quidditch player! What's so weird about it?"

"But she's not my girlfriend - she's my sister. See the difference?"

Rolling her eyes, Hermione said, "Yes, Fred, I see the difference - but I'm awful at Quidditch! I don't even like the game, I'm awful on a broom, I'm terrified of heights... I really think I'll have to sit this one out."

Fred's face fell into a pout. An honest-to-Merlin, puppy-eyed, lip-quivering pout. It was simultaneously the most adorable and horrifying thing Hermione had ever come across - like a pygmy puff mated with Voldemort and produced Fred Weasley's pout.

"Stop that," Ginny said before Hermione could. "It's so disgusting and it makes me want to hug you. Quit it."

Fred only intensified the pout and inched ever closer to Hermione, making Hermione's face get hot when she felt him get so close that she could hear his breathing. Their noses were literally an inch apart when Hermione broke down.

"Fine! I'll play, alright? Just... stop it with the pouting for goodness sake!"

Breaking into a smile, Fred said, "Brilliant." Then promptly ducked down, caught Hermione around the waist, and tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of rice.

"FRED! FRED WEASLEY, YOU PUT ME DOWN, YOU... YOU... YOU -!"

"Hah!" Fred scoffed as he began marching through the dining room of people. "Can't even properly swear!"

A few bystanders giggled at Fred harassing his girlfriend, whose face was getting redder and redder as she hung upside down, her hair swinging back and forth as he walked. She pounding her small fists, feeling like no more than feathers against his back, as she yelled and tried to get at her wand in her pocket to no prevail. Fred was clever enough to wrap an arm strategically around her waist to avoid her getting into her pockets.

By the time they were outside, Hermione had pretty much given up and gone limp against Fred's back, swinging back and forth, while huffing indignantly.

"Fred, I already agreed. What was the purpose of this?" Hermione asked, curing her arms up around her chest so that her hand didn't brush his bum...

Not that it wasn't a perfectly good, firm bum, that is...

"I wanted to hear you scream my name," Fred reported, sliding her to the ground, holding her by the shoulders while she regained her equilibrium. Her face was flushed from all the blood rushing to it.

Then Hermione blushed further. "Don't be a pervert."

"But you're just so cute, I can't help it!" Fred pinched her cheek. Hermione smacked his hand and he laughed, only saying, "Now, let's get you on a broom."

"Wow, last time I heard that," Hermione said while Fred walked to the table next to the makeshift Quidditch pitch on their lawn filled with brooms, "Oliver had taken me along to one of his practices. After they wrapped up, he wanted to give me a few pointers. Only if I remember quickly, he had followed the 'let's get you on a broom' with a 'before I get you on your back' with a rather cheeky wink."

"Why didn't I think of that one?" Fred said with a bemused expression. "Guess I'm not up to my usual par today. So did he help you get better at flying?" He didn't like asking about Oliver, but was curious.

Hermione snorted. "Not at all. I fell off in the first five minutes and we pretty much called it a day."

"Well, though Oliver Wood may just be one of the most famous Quidditch players of the generation, but he's no Fred Weasley - because I, my dear, would never let you fall off your broom. It just isn't gentlemanly to do so." He gave a dramatic, regal bow.

With a chuckle, Hermione said, "Be that as it may, you are going to regret putting me on a flying device."

"I'd never regret a moment spent with you," Fred said with a wink. "Especially if it ends with plenty of celebratory snogging. Which this most certainly will. Now, on the broom you go."

...~oOo~...

On the ground, watching on with a few other cousins, Bill was leaning against a tree and laughing at the Quidditch practice happening above their heads. Hermione was wobbly at best on the broom, holding on for dear life, and desperately trying not to look down. Fred was practicing the necessary precautions by flying a few feet below her, but not directly under her, and following closely.

Ginny was standing close by, cheering Hermione on from the earth, clapping and sending up loud encouragements and also warning Fred over and over to not let her fall.

From behind Bill came a voice, "They're a cute couple, aren't they?"

Turning his head and seeing Charlie, Bill smirked. "Yeah, they are. Our brother got lucky."

Charlie took his place next to Bill, close enough to see that the former was a full inch taller than his older brother, and with broader shoulders. Charlie always was the bulkier of the two, and always looked more menacing - probably had to do with the dragon tattoo. But in the end, Charlie was much tamer, and closer to a teddy bear in temperament. Bill was the one with a short fuse in the family.

"Very lucky," Charlie said with a nod. "She's cute, smart, lots of fun... Practically the perfect girl."

Raising an eyebrow, Bill inquired, "Thinking of making a move on our little brother's girlfriend."

"No," Charlie said, turning on his brother with a mischievous look. "Are you, Mr. Nighttime Tea Talks?"

Bill hesitated for half a moment, sending Charlie and sidelong look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The funny thing about living in Romania," Charlie said, "is that it totally fucks up your sleep schedule. Which tends to give me midnight munchies. But, wouldn't you know? Can't get to the fridge with a my brother kissing his other brother's girlfriend in the way."

Bill glared. "That was an accident, you good for nothing Peeping Tom."

"And yet you still talk every night."

"Because we're friends. What's your point, Charlie?"

"I know you and Fleur are having problems and I don't want your unhappiness making you act out," Charlie explained, sounding genuinely concerned.

Bill gave Charlie a blunt look. "I will say this once, Charlie. Even with a cheating harpy as a wife, I would never - ever - cease being loyal. I'm just not that kind of man."

"Good." Charlie gave Bill a firm pat on the back.

"But... if a divorce were to happen," Bill hedged, looking up at the curly-haired menace on a broom, "I may just try to find a girl like Hermione."

"But not Hermione herself, right?"

"Charlie, I know you were never the brains of the family, but let's look at this logically. Hermione is the brightest witch of the century. Fred owns a joke shop. Hermione likes books, Fred burns them for fun. Are you not seeing a pattern?"

"Uh... they're different?" Charlie said, obviously trying really hard to understand what his brother was saying.

"Too different, Charlie. They're not really dating."

Eyes popping wide, Charlie asked, "Are you sure about that? Because they sure do look adorable. Look at them, all giggling and smiley, and they pulled that stunt with the kissing this morning. They seem like a couple to me."

"They're not," Bill said. "Hermione told me so a few nights ago when we were having tea."

"So, your plan is... what? Wait for their fake relationship to end, divorce Fleur, and woo Hermione?"

Dragging his hands down his face, over the scar ridges of his cheek, Bill groaned. "I don't know, mate. I love Fleur, alright? I just think Hermione is great. Fleur has already started dropping hints that our marriage isn't working - so the divorce is unavoidable. I'm just... confused."

"I would be too," Charlie said sympathetically. "I see it with dragons all the time. Some species of dragon mate for life, see. Others don't, but when those types of dragons - let's say an Opaleye and a Ridgeback - are cohabited, problems arise. The Ridgeback has its mate, but the Opaleye has been making eyes at him for a while now and with those red flames and pearly scales - well, he's a goner, isn't he? Ain't no one's refusing an Opaleye, it doesn't happen. Plus, the female Ridgeback is really picky about waiting until mating season, and the male sees the happiness he could have with the Opaleye and the mate-ship suffers. It breaks apart and in the end... the female Ridgeback is savagely attacked by the other males and gets ripped to pieces."

Staring at his brother blankly, looking for any sign that the little tale might be a joke, Bill decides that so much time in Romania has definitely tainted his brain. "That's, uh... a nice story, Charlie. I see what you mean. Jealously, Opaleyes, inter-species murdering. All makes sense."

"See?" Charlie patted his brother on the back again and said, "Don't be a Ridgeback, mate. Never ends well."

"Right. I'll make note of that."

...~oOo~...

Hermione told herself that being the Keeper was a good thing. It required none of that zooming around the pitch and had very little fouls that could be committed against her. All she had to do was sit in front of the hoops with ridiculous leather head and body gear and prevent the stupid balls from going past her. With her padding, this would lead to minimal injury and she remembered watching Oliver play the position hundreds of times.

She tried not to remind herself of the first time she saw Oliver play as Keeper, back at Hogwarts, and got knocked off his broom and hit the ground, rendering him unconscious with a broken arm.

Positive thoughts, Hermione!

Anyway, they were bound to win, right?!

The teams were separated like this.

Hermione thought of it like Good VS. Evil.

August and his wife Crystal were on the team with Percy and Audrey and Ron and Pansy.

Fred and Hermione were with George and Ginny (filling in for Amy - Muggles had a bad history with riding broomsticks, apparently, according to Arthur Weasley) and Luna and Harry.

So, it was six people to a team. The small adjustment being two Chasers instead of three. The two Seekers were Harry and Pansy, and the other Keeper was predictably Ron.

Each team had their strong and weak points. Crystal was a shoddy flier, as was Hermione. Percy, despite his bookishness, wasn't half bad on a broom, same for his girlfriend. Fred and George were strong fliers, but Ginny wasn't playing her usual position, Luna was more interested in cloud patterns and Wrackspurts, and Pansy was a wicked Seeker who rarely played by the rules.

But, as George said, "Who cares if Ginny isn't used to her position or that Hermione sucks on a broom? We have Harry Fucking Potter on our team."

And they did, indeed, have Harry Fucking Potter. Who was exactly who won them the game.

"WOOOOHOOOO!" Harry hollered, doing a celebratory tornado move with his broomstick while Ron and Pansy loudly fought over the loss and Fred and George laughed hysterically, throwing mini fireworks into the sky over the pitch. Percy and Audrey seemed barely effected by their loss while August and Crystal both looked hacked off. The family below all cheered and Hermione was laughing herself. Harry and Luna were sharing a congratulations kiss and Ginny was already on the ground, high-fiving Amy.

Landing was hard for Hermione, but she eventually got to the ground and stumbled a little, her jelly knees wobbling. She joined Ginny and Amy, and both of them were talking about the game - Amy was wide-eyed and mystified - and Hermione was unlatching the silly leather helmet.

Fred and George were flying circles around the losers and taunting them, and Hermione watched on, shaking her head, but smiling because the twins seemed so full of life, so vibrant that they almost glowed. It was that kind of raw energy that just drew Hermione to Fred, that couldn't help but make her smile every time she looked at him.

The twins were finally landing when Ginny gave Hermione a significant look and a nudge. "Go give him a congratulations he'll never forget," Ginny said, winking.

High on the adrenaline from flying - and still a little lightheaded - Hermione dropped the broom just when Fred's feet touched the ground and ran across the pitch to him, throwing herself onto him and smacking her lips onto him.

It was Fred's turn to be surprised, but he held her up by her hips when she wrapped her legs around his and hugged him hard as she kissed him joyously.

Cameras snapped pictures from all around, and for once, Hermione didn't care if the relationship was fake. Because for a second, it felt real.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What will happen with Bill's love life? 3. How will Ginny come out? 4. What effect will Hermione's new confidence have on their "fake" relationship?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	12. A Lesson On Love Bugs

A/N. So, everyone, I just read a very good fanfiction that I'd like to share with all of you! It's called Bond by Anna Fugazzi - it's a Drarry fic *smiles* In case any of you haven't noticed, I kind of have a thing for slash fiction *blushes* I can't help it. Drarry, Wolfstar, and even a little Dron. I also like Seamus/Dean sometimes.

Ack. Just. I, uh, yeah. Love slash. When it's done well.

And the dress, of course, mentioned later in the chapter is the one from the cover picture of Fred and Hermione at the pub drinking butterbeer.

This is a lengthy one, guys. Buckle up.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Twelve: A Lesson On Love Bugs

Once the kiss broke, and their lips and noses parted, Hermione slowly opened her eyes and looked down at Fred. He still had her firmly around the thighs, propped up against his chest, her feet dangling off the ground. Fred looked a little stunned for a moment before he face relaxed into a grin that made Hermione's toes tingle.

For that brief minute of victorious kissing, they'd been in a bubble - and once they'd stopped, the bubble popped with it and the sounds of cheering family and the chatter of friends flooded in and filled their ears.

"Well, er, yes," Hermione said, feeling flushed. Was she always going to swoon after kissing Fred, or would that go away? "I... good game, Fred."

"Bugger the game," Fred said. "That was brilliant!"

"Are you, um, going to let me down now, or...?" Hermione prompted, loving the warm pressure between her hips and his abdomen and their chests a little too much.

"I don't think I'm ready to," Fred said teasingly, playfully squeezing her thighs and it tickled.

Then Ginny came running over, her red hair whipping around her face. "Guys! Victors are going for drinks at the Leaky tonight! You two in?"

"Definitely!" Fred answered.

"Sounds great!" Hermione agreed, a little embarrassed now that she realized at least fifty redheads had probably watched them snog each other's faces off.

"Brilliant! First round is on me!" Ginny exclaimed, running to back into the house, probably to take her Quidditch gear off. She called over her shoulder, "Hermione! Meet me in my room, will you? I have something to show you!"

"Well, then," Hermione said, looking at Fred again. "I guess I better go. Ginny is probably going to fix my helmet hair or some such."

With only a slight reluctant pause, Fred put her down, dropping his hands after a moment and stuffing them into his pockets. She'd been so soft and warm and she smelt like vanilla...

And before he knew it, he was watching her petite form running for the house, looking like a million Galleons in only shorts, a tank top, and leather Keeper padding.

God, he had a problem. She was absolutely addicting and it was getting harder and harder to remind himself that they weren't in a real relationship... yet.

Fred could sense his twin and George came up next to him, though his eyes were still pasted to the invisible wake Hermione had left. Internally, he was having a party, but on the outside, he was just grinning like a fool, staring at air.

"That was... bloody awesome," George said, clapping his brother's shoulder. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, mate," Fred said, turning to smile at his brother. "I hope Amy gave you the same treatment."

His goofy smile was identical to his brother's. George said, "Oh, she did. That and a promise for more after drinks." He sighed wistfully. "I love Muggles."

"What's different between Muggle and wizard girls, exactly?" Harry said, coming up behind them at that moment.

"Simple, really," George said. "Typically, us wizards are considered old-fashioned. It's still a bit of a new concept to shag before marriage. Still very scandalous, but it's gotten better."

"But Muggles, however," Fred said, "have pretty much accepted sex before marriage as a given. It's amazing. Who knew Muggles were so incredible?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "So you're just thrilled that your Muggle girlfriend puts out before witches?"

"That and Amy is the most wonderful human being I've ever met," George said confidently. "I love her. That's what makes her so great - yeah, the Muggle thing is a perk, but as all of Hogwarts knows, it isn't_ too_ much of a strife for a Weasley twin to work their way into even the most prudish witch's knickers."

Luna was standing right beside Harry and she said in her airy tone, "It's funny you say that, considering Fred is yet to have sexual relations with Hermione. And she's what they called a 'prude' in school yes?"

Fred's shoulder slumped and George frowned as well. "Way to stomp on my happiness, Luna," Fred grumbled.

"I'm sorry, did I say something awfully disappointing?"

"Just pointing out that Fred has come up with a big fat zero in terms of seducing Hermione," George said.

"Oh," Luna said, with an understand sort of nod. "I can see how that would put you down, Fred. They say that an extended period of time without sex - especially for active males - can really put a damper on one's mood. But you're in luck, of course. The Wargacks are out."

"How is that a good thing?" Harry inquired, looking genuinely confused. "I thought you said that the Wargacks would eat people with G's in their name?"

"Oh, yes," Luna said. "Or... rather, they'll try. They're very tiny, you see, and have very small teeth. Being attacked by one is very much like being bitten by a mosquito, with a very similar mark left behind. A small, raised bump."

"So... what's so awful about them, then? If they're just pesky little bugs?"

"Well," Luna said, looking like they should probably know this already. "Their mating season begins in February, where a very popular holiday about love is celebrated. The Wargack's bite is the reason for the myth of Cupid - a long time ago, people used to mistake the bite marks as tiny scars from little arrows, contributing to the tale about the baby with wings and a bow. They're bite is meant to erase inhibition and raise libido."

"So like a glass of Firewhiskey, then?" Fred clarified.

"I suppose one could say that," Luna said, seeming a slightly amused. "But the effects are a bit stronger. They say if you're bitten enough times, you could be driven mad with lust. It's why the Wargacks are nicknamed Love Bugs. I have an article on them from The Quibbler if you're interested?"

"Er, no, not so much, I think I'm... content," George was saying as Fred and Harry said at the same time, "You did such a good job explaining it, I feel I don't even need an article!" and "Maybe some other time, darling, but really, it sounds very interesting!"

"I think I'll see if Molly made pudding for lunch," Luna said with a pretty grin, her big blue eyes sparkling and she skipped away.

Fred and George both looked at Harry.

The Boy Who Lived shrugged. "I love her, what can I say?"

"I've heard that love is blind, but maybe it's deaf, too?" Fred said.

"Shut up," Harry said, shaking his head. "And do your best to keep it in your trousers, men, even with the Wargacks about. You are still in your parents' house, you know."

Fred and George both pouted.

"Thanks for the reminder," they said in unison.

George mumbled, "Well that's a mood killer if I've ever heard one."

...

"I have the perfect dress for you to wear to drinks tonight!" Ginny enthused, scouring her closet

Raising an eyebrow, Hermione said, "Why do I need to change, exactly? I'm already wearing clothes."

With a huge sigh, that could have knocked down the pyramids with its strength, Ginny looked bluntly at Hermione. "Hermione. You are about to go out to drinks with the man you fancy. You are seriously telling me that you don't see the use in changing from sweaty clothes you wore to play Quidditch into a pretty dress to go out in?"

"All right, I see your point."

"You better."

"But what time are we going for drinks? It's only four now... dinner will be soon, won't it?"

"Yes, but we have to touch up your make-up and fix your hair! There's a lot to do and we can't do it all right after dinner, there'll be no time! Really, Hermione, it's like you've never had to plan for a date before."

"To start, it's not a date," Hermione clarified. "The rest of you are going to be there getting bladdered, surely being obnoxious and thoroughly unromantic. Second, I have prepared for dates before and I've done just fine, thank you." She paused. "Well, except of course for the part where every relationship I've ever had sort of combusted and they left me for other, prettier, women."

"That was only Oliver, though, right?"

"No. Ron too. Even Viktor had someone back home, I think. Oh, well. Life goes on. Now, fix my hair and tell me more about why boyfriends have dumped me."

...~oOo~...

The sky was a lovely shade of lavender, spattered with silvery grey clouds and freckles of shiny stars just coming out in the twilight. The Quidditch victors - George, Amy, Luna, Harry, Hermione, Fred, and Ginny - were all walking out of the Burrow, manipulating their way around their family's tents and things. The younger kids were having a bonfire with Percy and Audrey's supervision, making s'mores.

George and Fred let out identical sighs.

"Let's skip drinks - " said Fred.

"And make s'mores!" followed George.

"What kind of adult men would rather eat s'mores than go for drinks?" Ginny demanded.

"_Our _kind of men!" Fred and George proclaimed in sync.

"Well, then, I'll just have to find a new date, won't I?" Amy said cheekily, teasing her boyfriend.

"I can help with that," Bill joined in, walking over to his friends and family on their way to the pub. "I'll happily escort you to the pub, Amy, if my baby brother isn't up to the task."

Scars or no, Bill was one dashing young man and Amy was no more immune than any other female. She blushed and gave a giggle. Even Hermione found herself lowering her eyes as he turned his charm on, full force. With a black on black vertically striped Oxford shirt, black denims, long red hair and piercing eyes...

Well, it was enough to make even McGonagall swoon, that's for sure.

And close behind him was Charlie, tall, muscled and tattooed Charlie. Two bad boys, through and through.

"And Hermione will be my date, won't you, love?" Charlie added, saddling up next to Hermione who chuckled. He waggled his eyebrows. "Real men don't make s'mores, after all."

"Charlie, I have pictures of you making and eating s'mores at my last birthday," Ginny pointed out.

"Shut up, Gin."

"Make me." Ginny stuck out her tongue in that typical baby sister way.

"Oi!" George said once he saw Bill putting his arm around Amy. "Hands off my bird. Brother or no, I'll kick your arse."

Bill gave a loud, full belly laugh. "Right! Like you could if you tried."

"Let's just go!" Ginny said, getting impatient and checking her watch for the dozenth time. "It's getting late!"

"It's a pub, Gin. And it's not like we have curfews," Charlie said, roughing up her hair.

"Stop it."

"Yes, Ginny, what is the rush?" Luna inquired. "You seem a bit on edge."

"I just want to get a drink is all," Ginny said. "The Harpies don't let you drink before or after games. They have restrictions on everything you eat and drink. It's miserable!" She went on to complain more about the new diet the Harpies had her on while they strolled towards the Apparition Point and all made their way to the Leaky Caldron.

...

"'ELLO, TOM!" the Weasley twins said as the blew through the doors of the Leaky Cauldron like a storm wind. "HANNAH, TOO!"

The girl behind the bar had rosy pink cheeks and her light blonde hair pulled into a braid. She grinned and waved at the boys and the Leaky landlord, Tom, standing near her, shook his head good-naturedly at the new arrivals and said, "It's been a while since a Weasley's stepped into this place. How've you boys been doing?"

George said, "Absolutely -"

" - Fantastic," Fred finished. "We're here with our girls and a few friends. Think you can handle the crowd, Tom?"

"If there's one thing I've mastered in my years of running this pub, it's how to handle the Weasley clan. Come on in! There's a booth in the back, and the rest o' yous can connect a few tables and chairs. Hannah here will be happy to help all of you." He gave the young girl a pat on the shoulder and she grinned some more, thrilled to be able to serve her old classmates.

"I heard she and Neville have been dating," Ginny said to Luna and Hermione while they began dragging a table up beside the back booth to make room for the boys who were already at the bar getting all of them butterbeer.

"Who's Neville?" Amy inquired.

"A very good friend of ours," Hermione said. "It's been a while since I've seen him, sadly. He's been apprenticing at Hogwarts, under Sprout. He's very good with plants," she added for Amy's sake. "Always has been. Well... apart from that one incident where he passed out in First Year because of a screaming Mandrake."

Amy giggled and said, "A screaming plant?"

"Oh, yes," Luna said, smiling serenely. "Plenty of Muggle plants scream, too. All you have to do is listen."

Amy looked a little bemused so Ginny motioned for her just to let it go. Luna had her quirks, after all. Amy would learn that soon enough - actually, Amy was getting a crash coarse on Luna's quirks, over the week.

The Leaky wasn't terribly busy that night. It was a week night, after all, but the usual wizards who were just exhausted after a long day's work were scattered over the place. The most noise and people came from the Weasley clan, though.

All the boys came back with a round for everyone and they all started drinking.

Hermione was squished in the booth, sandwiched tightly between Fred and Harry, and as she sipped her butterbeer, she laughed at a story that Charlie was telling about a dragon that burnt off all of his leg hair.

Ginny continued to keep looking at her watch.

And then, before anyone was through their first drink, Hermione realized why.

Through the door came a young-looking girl with shiny blonde hair and the face of an angel. She was had a thin, willowy figure and every step she took was like she floated on a cloud.

And Ginny absolutely beamed.

"Out of my way!" Ginny commanded, pushing through Bill and Charlie's seats, walking quickly towards the girl Hermione knew to be Gabi Delacour. The girl was adorable by anyone's standards, with a sort of girlish look to her, even though she was seventeen. Maybe it was the innocent glitter of her ocean blue eyes.

Somehow, Hermione could understand why even Ginny would fall for Gabrielle.

"Is that... is that Fleur's sister?" Charlie asked, looked confused as ever.

"It is," Bill confirmed, the same bemusement in his own tone. "What's she doing here?"

Hermione shrugged, because even she didn't know.

Taking her cloak for her, Ginny led Gabi to their table. The girl looked absolutely overjoyed to see everyone. She had a sort of kindness to her expressions that were very different from Fleur's usual distaste with anyone less attractive than her (and let's be honest - not many people were more attractive than Fleur).

"Bonjour!" Gabi said with a wave to everyone.

"Most of you know Gabi, right?" Ginny said, one hand resting on the younger girl's shoulder. "Oh! Except you, Amy. This is Gabi - she's Bill's wife's little sister."

"Pleasure to meet you," Amy said, lifting her tankard in greeting.

"Ze pleasure is mine!" Gabi returned. "'Ello, Bill!"

"Hi, Gabs," Bill said, standing to give his sister-in-law a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I am on spring holiday," Gabi said with slow, precise English. Last Hermione saw the girl, she didn't know a word of English - but now she was almost easier to understand than Fleur. "Ginny invited me."

"I didn't know you and Ginny were so close," Bill said, sounding pleasantly surprised. Honestly, he'd thought that if Ginny hated his wife, the same feelings would extend to her sister, but apparently that wasn't so.

"Oui!" Gabi said.

"Here, sit down," Ginny said, grabbing a seat from a table nearby to pull up for Gabi.

"Thank you," Gabi said, gracing Ginny's cheek with a kiss before sitting down.

Everyone was still a little shocked and confused with the new arrival, but Hermione was clever enough to say, "So! How's the Academy been, Gabi?"

"It 'as been magnifique!" Gabi went on to tell them a little about her year so far and her excitement about graduating.

Everyone exchanged silly stories and drank more. In an hour and a half, most of them had separated into smaller groups around the pub. Luna had insisted that Harry dance with her - despite the fact that there was no music. Maybe they should have known better than to serve Luna alcohol, but Harry was ever the loving boyfriend and went along with it, spinning her and dipping her and such. They were quite the pair, they were. Neither were particularly good dancers - well, Harry wasn't, and Luna was a strange dancer seeing as she was doing some sort of imitation of a bird that was part of some cultural dance she was telling Harry about.

Hermione, George, Fred, and Amy, were in their own group, laughing about some stunt they pulled on a customer.

"You actually turned that poor man's face purple?!" Hermione exclaimed in disbelief, laughing. She knew she should have been scolding them, but her belly was too warm and the butterbeer too delicious to bring herself to do so.

Fred said, "That's what happens when you claim a Weasley Wheezes product doesn't work!"

Amy was shaking her head, and then started looking around. "Hold on... we're missing people! We came here with... Where's Ginny and Gabi?"

"Dunno," George said, sounding unconcerned. He swung an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Don't worry about it, love. They're probably off trading beauty secrets or some nonsense."

Hermione studiously pressed her lips together and looked down at her mug. Her butterbeer was almost gone.

"I'll get you another one," Fred said before she could even make a comment.

"No, no! You've been paying for me all night," Hermione said, snatching her tankard from his reach. "It's my turn. And I'll get you another Firewhiskey, as well."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my girlfriend pay for our drinks?" Fred asked as he followed close on her heel while she made her way to the bar.

"Not any kind of boyfriend, because I'm not your girlfriend!" Hermione laughed back to him, setting their glasses on the bar and asking Hannah politely for another round.

"Not yet, anyhow," Fred said cheekily, leaning on the bar next to her suavely. He winked and Hermione chuckled some more.

I've been laughing too much, she reflected. Perhaps she shouldn't have anymore. She didn't want to get drunk, after all. "Actually, Hannah, make that just a Firewhiskey?"

"No problem!" Hannah answered.

"What, you cutting yourself off?" Fred inquired, brow furrowing. "The night is young!"

"It's for your own good," Hermione said, handing him his now-full mug. "I get silly when I've had too many. Ask Harry and Ron."

Before she got the chance to, Fred put his money on the bar and then quickly nudged her away. "What if I want to see you silly?" Fred asked.

"You were just hoping that I'd get drunk and stupid and you'd get lucky," Hermione accused, though her smile was wide.

Something like exactly that, he told himself. "Come now, you think I'd take advantage of you?"

"Wouldn't you, though?" Hermione said, her mouth twisting coyly, though it looked like she was suppressing a case of the giggles.

"Undoubtedly," he confessed, stepping close into her personal circle. He playfully tugged on the blue ribbon that wrapped around her thin waist on the sky blue dress. It fell to her knees and had black buttons down the front with a halter top part. It was modest, yet sexy, and Fred was dying to take it off of her.

"But it'd hardly be taking advantage if you were - you know - my girlfriend," he whispered loudly, mockingly conspicuous.

"Unfortunately, though, I'm only your fake girlfriend," she said, trying to imitate his ridiculous PygmyMort pouting face.

One of his hands drifted to her hips, using his thumb to draw circles on her. "We could change that."

Then, before Hermione could answer, there was a loud TING TING TING noise, signaling a toast and everyone's heads turned to the bar where Ginny was standing on one of the stools, high above everyone, tapping her glass with a spoon.

"Ahem!" Ginny said, grinning. "Hello, everyone!"

Everyone said hello in return, laughing. Ginny obviously wasn't drunk, but definitely looked silly to the rest of the drunks.

"My name is Ginerva Weasley and I have something to tell all of you," she said confidently.

Hermione's eyes grew huge. Oh, no. No no no! What was Ginny doing? This was NO way to -

"Tell us, Gin!" George encouraged.

"Yeah! Out with it!" Fred joined in.

Before they knew it, the whole pub - now consisting of only the Weasley family and friends since the moping business men didn't fancy the rowdiness - were calling out, chanting for her to spit it out.

"You see that beautiful French girl, right there?" Ginny said, pointing to Gabi who was sitting femininely, ankles crossed, at one of the tables with a glass of wine. Gabi's smile was radiant as she realized what her girlfriend was doing.

"We sure do!" George said, Fred following with a wolf whistle.

"Well, Gabrielle Delacour - that beautiful, wonderful girl - is my girlfriend! In a very NOT platonic sense, of course," she clarified as an afterthought.

There was a long, slow sort of silence where Charlie and Hermione both cringed, waiting for the response.

Strangely enough, it was Hannah who started clapping first. Followed by Charlie... and then Hermione. And then Fred and George - after sharing a sort of "when did this happen?" look - began applauding as well, sending out a few encouraging "Good for you, Gin!"s and "Guess that's what happens when you have six brothers, eh?"

Hermione hadn't heard him walk over, but Bill was suddenly next to her, and looked more than a little puzzled. "Did she just say what I thought she did?"

"Yes," Hermione confirmed.

"She's dating my wife's little sister?"

"Yes."

"Isn't there some kind of rule about that?"

"There isn't," Hermione told him. "She's checked."

"Oh." Bill mentally straightened himself out before saying, "I'm going to need another drink." And made his way over to Tom and Hannah.

"Now," Fred said promptly. "Back to what we were talking about... you know, before my sister came out of the closet on a bar stool in the middle of a pub -"

"Hermione!" Amy trilled, running over. Her face burning bright red. "George just had me taste Firewhiskey! It's... it's awful!"

Hermione laughed and said, "George! Shame on you!"

George shrugged, his eyes wide with innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. She wanted to try it!"

"Should have known better," Hermione said, trying to be stern. "Just like you testing products on First Years!"

"Yes, yes, very nice, good old times maiming First Years, moving on," Fred said impatiently. "Now, back to what I was saying -"

"'Mione!" Harry's voice said from across the pub. "Luna's not feeling too good! Do you have anything in your purse?"

"I'm fine, Harry," Luna said, though she did look quite green in her pale face.

Hermione, her old crisis instinct kicking in, jogged over to where she left her handbag in their booth and dug around inside of it for the right potion. She rushed it to Luna and her face returned to its normal milky white.

"Thank you very much, Hermione," Luna said. "I feel much better."

"I think I'll take you back to the Burrow anyway, love," Harry said, sounding concerned. Luna agreed and he took her hand to lead her out. They said goodbye to all their friends and then swung their cloaks on to leave.

Then, out of nowhere, Hermione was being scooped up around the waist and being cradled mid-air. She let out a surprised squeak and then saw it was Fred. Somehow, she was getting used to Fred randomly lifting her.

"What're you doing?" she asked, just a formality now.

"You and I are going to talk if it's the last bloody thing I do tonight," Fred said firmly, walking her towards where their cloaks hung by the door. He placed Hermione on the ground, draped her coat around her shoulders, and then took her by the shoulders and steered her out the door.

Once they were outside, they noticed three things. The streets of Diagon Alley were mostly empty. It was pitch black. It was raining.

It wasn't a heavy rain, but it wasn't a drizzle either and Hermione walked into it with a smile.

"What're you doing?" Fred asked from under the dry awning of the pub, arms crossed.

"Don't tell me Fred Weasley is afraid of getting a little wet," she taunted, stripping off her coat and tipping her head back to let the cool drops hit her face. "Come on, we can talk out here." She waved for him to join her in the middle of the road.

In the center of the road, Fred looked down at Hermione with a benign and amused expression. Hermione's hair was getting frizzier by the second and her mascara was running, but Merlin, was she beautiful. The powder on her cheeks washed away, revealing her light dusting freckles once more.

"So, tell me, Fred," Hermione said. "What was so important that you had to talk about right now? Because the Fred I know is never an urgent man. Maybe a little eager, but never hurried."

Fred answered simply, "I just wanted to talk to you without someone interrupting every other second. You're a very in-demand girl. Everyone needs you for some reason or another."

It was true, Hermione realized. Most of the people in her life needed her for some reason or another. Ron needed her for help with homework in school, Harry needed her to basically keep him from doing anything stupid and killing himself. Bill needed her as a release, someone to talk to about his problems. Ginny needed her to play doll with.

With a sigh, Hermione nodded. "Yeah. Needed." When was she ever going to just be... wanted? Not a necessity, not a good resource, but just... wanted. She crossed her arms and looked up. The sky was going to clear up soon.

"But, you know... you don't always have to be there with a plaster every time someone falls and skins their knee," Fred told her, seeing the look in her eyes. "You're not their nurse - you're their friend."

Hermione shrugged. "I suppose. But I wouldn't be a good friend if I wasn't there for them."

"There's a difference between being there for someone and being their mother," Fred said bluntly with a knowing smirk. When Hermione didn't say anything, he said, "Come on. Let's go to the shop. I have something I want to show you."

Fred took Hermione's hand and they began walking down the streets of Diagon Alley in the dark, in the rain.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What does Fred want to show Hermione? 3. Ginny is now out to half her family. How will the rest of them find out?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	13. The Blueberry Syrup Conspiracy

A/N. You all are very funny readers. I have received about 5 messages from readers asking that I make a 180 with the pairing and have Hermione end up with Bill, which is strange because during TLM, I would get buckets of messages begging me not to change the pairing like I did in Prisoner. But I promise I will do my best to write an ending that will appease most/all of you. The key word being "try".

Also, I'm sorry the last chapter was kind of... boring. I didn't like how it came out, but it had a lot of stuff that needed to happen and I just shoved it all into that chapter, which is my fault *frown* Please accept my apologies.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Thirteen: The Blueberry Syrup Conspiracy

The shop was dark. Normally it glowed with energy and fun, but that evening the joke shop was in a deep sleep, breathing steadily instead of the erratic heartbeat it usually gave off. The life that the twins breathed into it was hiding.

But with a flick of Fred's wand, light rushed through the building like a wind, illuminating every layer. A few of the products made little excited sounds, some playing music, a few rattling in their boxes. The colors seemed more vibrant than she remembered.

Hermione smiled at Fred. "So, what's the surprise?"

"It's not in here," he said. "It's up in the flat."

Raising an eyebrow, she said, "This really was a scheme to get me into bed, wasn't it?"

"Well, no," Fred hedged. "I promise, there will be no seduction in this surprise... Afterwards, however, depends entirely on you." He winked and then said, "Follow me."

They climbed the winding steps up through the three levels of store until on the final floor of the shop (where all the really dangerous stuff was displayed), he led her to a door in the corner that said in very big purple letters - DO NOT ENTER: BOOBY TRAPS AHEAD.

Fred used a key to unlock the door and it opened it a short, narrowish hallways that had absolutely no visible booby traps - no wires or trick floorboards - and led to yet another door. This door had two locks on it. Unlocking each, Fred then swung the door open and grandly gestured to what it contained.

His and George's flat.

"What do you think?" he asked.

Hermione looked through the door, not daring to step over the threshold yet, and observed, "I think... it's a mess."

Fred shrugged. "Yeah, we know."

"Um... very messy. Is this where you invent all your products? Because if so, it isn't very safe for experimentations."

"Nah," Fred said, walking in himself. "There's a basement below the shop that we call our lab."

"Does it look anything like this?" she inquired, stepping in hesitantly.

"No, not at all," he said reassuringly. "It's worse."

Glaring, Hermione tried to stay in her own little circle for fear of touching something that would explode. It was an open layout sort of flat with an average-sized kitchen, a rather generous living room that was overtaken with laundry and beanbags, and a hall that stretched off of it, probably to the bedrooms and bathroom.

Most of the walls were white, but splattered with various colors and unidentifiable substances, but Hermione could tell that it wasn't paint (she suspected he'd lied about experimenting in there, because there was a big splat of green _something_ that could only be from a cauldron explosion). But there was also hanging photographs, with and without frames, all over the place.

"Come along, I'll make some tea," he said, waving her into the kitchen.

Hermione sat at a stool along the island-counter and began tidying herself, stacking the mail and books and things and then putting them to the side.

"So, what is my surprise?" Hermione asked, getting more and more anxious with every passing moment. It was a blend of anticipation and nervousness, and something else - something warm and bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

"This," he said, spinning around with a flourish and displaying a little bottle he pulled from a drawer. With a mischievous smile, he went on, "This fantastic little potion is the surprise."

The potion was a thick, dark blue that looked like it had a dense, sludge-like consistency.

Raising an eyebrow, Hermione said, "What does it do?"

"We have no clue," Fred admitted, setting it down in front of her. "George was experimenting with a type of jealousy potion when he realized that it was entirely the wrong consistency and color. But we gave it to one of our rats and it didn't kill it, but it did act strange... And we'd very much like to know exactly what it does."

"I'm sorry..." Hermione said slowly. "You want me... to ingest a potion... that you know absolutely nothing about? Drink it yourself if you're so curious!"

"Oh, I plan to," Fred said. "I just need you, my dear, to standby as damage control. In case, you know, I pass out or start having an aneurism."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "You're joking!"

"I'm not," he said with a serene smile, like he wasn't planning on drinking a possibly deadly potion!

"But... but... why me?! Why not George?!"

"George thinks I tossed it," he said. "But I want to know what it does, and he wouldn't approve of this, and you're the smartest person I know... so I'd like you here if things went wrong."

Blinking, Hermione said, "But... but you tricked me! You just want me to play nurse!"

"Oh, darling," Fred said, leaning on the counter and leaning forward until their faces were rather close. "I always want you to play nurse. But it usually has less to do with injury and more to do with costumes."

"I absolutely refuse to take part in this," Hermione said firmly, standing up from the stool. "You have to dispose of that potion immediately, and according to standard potions safety protocol. Do you understand?"

"No," Fred said with a smirk. "'Fraid I don't." And then he unplugged the potion and poured it down his throat.

Hermione let out a little panicked squeal and started freaking out. "FRED. Oh my God, Fred?! Are you alright?! How do you feel? TELL ME, FRED." She took him by the shoulders and shook him.

"A little tingly," Fred said, sounding unconcerned. "But that could be the start of paralysis."

"OH MY GOD. Don't worry, Fred, I have a potion in my purse that could counter-effects of that serum!" She made to move towards her purse, but he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back.

"Hermione, in less than a minute, I could lose all feeling in my body or die," he told her, looking right into her eyes. "In a few seconds I could be dead. What would be your last words to me?"

Hermione's mouth, which had been gaping in shock, snapped shut and he could practically see the cogs turning in her brain. Then with a big, angry grunt, Hermione gave him a shove. "You... you... you ARSE! You liar! That wasn't an unidentifiable potion at all, was it?!"

His composure shattering, Fred gave a full, long laugh, making Hermione's face burn even brighter with fury. She whacked him on the arm again and again, calling him a different name each time... "Prat! Slime! Mean... intolerable... unforgivable!"

"Oh, Hermione," he said through his laughter, "you flatter me!"

"I could kill you," Hermione growled. "You gave my a heart-attack, you... git!"

"Oh, love, I couldn't help myself," he said, his laughter slowly leaving him. He swiped at his eyes and let out a long, satisfied breath. "I wish you could have seen your face!"

"If it wasn't an unidentifiable potion, then what the hell was it?!" Hermione half-screeched.

"Blueberry syrup," he told her, a smile still painted on his freckled face as he tossed the now-empty phial into the sink.

Her heart rate was still on the descend and she was breathing heavily. Pressing her hands to her forehead as a mixture of wrath and relief rushed through her, she said, "I have half a mind to strangle you."

A pang of guilt hitting him, Fred went to her and put a hand on her shoulders and rubbed them comfortingly. "Oh, 'Mione, you know I'm an idiot. I just can't help myself. Forgive me?"

"I'll forgive you at your funeral, Fred Weasley!" Hermione snapped. "Do you know what went through my head? I didn't know what was going to happen to you! I thought you were in danger! I was so bloody worried and..." She took a deep breath, pushing down that rising lump in her throat. She was just so relieved that she wanted to cry.

And she kind of did. Her eyes got damp and she ground her fists into them furiously. She gave a little sniff and took another breath, but it wasn't helping much. It must have been the butterbeer, she thought. She always got emotional when she'd been drinking.

"Hey..." Fred said softly, seeing Hermione's distress. He rubbed his thumbs on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. "Hey, Hermione... I'm sorry," he said again, quieter and more genuine. "Really, I didn't mean to scare you so much. Don't cry, 'Mione."

"I really wish I could hate you sometimes," she said with one last sniff. "It would make times like these were you're the biggest moron in the world easier. But I'm... I'm just so happy you're okay."

Fred's chest got warm when he heard that. She'd been really worried about him...

"I'm sorry," he said again, pulling her into a hug. He held her to his chest, but in doing so he trapped her arms between them, making it difficult for her to hug him back. "Now how about that tea?"

When his arms fell, Hermione looked up at him and said, "I didn't answer your question, you know."

Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "What question?"

"If you had ten seconds to live, what I would have told you?" she reminded him. "I didn't answer you."

"What would you say to me then?"

"Absolutely nothing."

Fred's eyes popped open why. "Why the bloody hell not?"

With a shy smile, Hermione said, "I'd be too busy giving you this." And she stretched up on her toes to kiss him. It was a light, barely-there type of kiss that made Fred feel all hard and soft at the same time.

"Something's occurred to me in the last forty-five seconds or so," Hermione said when she lowered herself back down to her normal height. "When you drank that so-called potion, I didn't know what to do with myself. And Fred, I _always_ know what to do with myself. It's what makes me... well, _me_. Even in an emergency, I waste no time fixing things. But when you were in 'danger'... my heart sort of broke and I couldn't think straight. That's never happened before.

"And then, when I realized you were playing your sick, twisted, deranged idea of a joke on me... part of me lit up inside, the relief was crushing, and I sort of wanted to laugh but hated myself for it. But your stupid, insane, sometimes psychotic jokes are part of what makes me... like you so much.

"And another thing is, I would normally never say all of this. When I have feelings for someone, I go out of my way to make it as not obvious as possible. I usually do a lot of blushing and ducking away. So it might be the butterbeer or it might be you, but I really just need to tell you that I like you, Fred. A lot. Almost... too much, I'd reckon, considering I should be fuming right now instead of kissing you."

Instead of answering, Fred dipped his head down and kissed her full on the mouth, one hand cupping her jaw, and the other buried in her rain-dampened hair. Then, he kissed her again and again with short, firm kisses, before saying, "Even though you've spent nearly a week suffering through my unbearable family, you still like me?"

"Fred, I've been suffering through your unbearable family members for the past ten years," he told him, kissing him again. "One of them is my best friend. I'm more or less used to it."

With a chuckle, Fred wrapped his arms fully around her and continued brushing his mouth to hers, his heart thumping erratically. Merlin, she was fantastic. Magnetic. Addictive.

"This is unreal," Fred murmured. "I've been unsuccessfully seducing you for a year and all it took was a rather distasteful prank and a hug. Who knew?"

Winding her arms around his neck Hermione blushed and shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a very unusual sort of girl. But don't you ever do anything like that to me ever again or else I will make you into a handbag and make sure your grandsons all sing soprano for the entirety of their lives, you understand?" she said with a sweet. lovely little smile.

Hermione was secretly as sadistic as he was, she could tell, that serene smile said it all. The fact that there were so many complicated, twisted, secret layers to Hermione excited him, and the fact that she wanted to make him into a purse, for some reason, put heat in his boxers.

With wide, eager eyes, Fred told Hermione bluntly, "I have never been so turned on in my life."

The next moment when Hermione crushed her mouth on his, she couldn't help but smile when she found he tasted like blueberry syrup.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and like? 2. What did you initially think the potion would do? 3. How will the night in Fred's flat proceed for the young lovers? (wags eyebrows suggestively)

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	14. Not According to Plan

A/N. Resa Fun Fact #1: I cannot cook. Never could, never will. In my attempts to cook I have gotten a grand total of twenty stitches and three staples, set fire to my mother's kitchen, and gave my girlfriend and her whole family food poisoning. I burn water.

I tell you this because tonight, my FOMB had the grand idea to let me make spaghetti. Big mistake.

Needless to say, we're ordering in Thai tonight.

This is kind of a filler, and you'll see why. I'm not thrilled with how this came out, but oh well... I hope you enjoy anyway!

...~oOo~...

Chapter Fourteen: Not According to Plan

Fred went into the kitchen to pour the tea while Hermione was in the living room, left with the flood of nerves that followed her spurt of bravery. Had she confessed her feelings to Fred? Yes. Had she kissed him? Yes. Had she accepted the invitation to stay at the flat longer? Yes.

But was it all hitting her in the face like a crashing, flying car that it could very possibly be the night that she slept with Fred Weasley?

Definitely. And it was... nerve-wracking to put it lightly. Her heart was beating out a heavy bass that thrummed in her ears and she couldn't sit still. So she found herself pacing, walking circles around the sofa, biting her nails, straightening lampshades and humming nonsensical nursery rhymes.

It wasn't as if she was a virgin. Not at all. Her first had been Ron, and she really wouldn't change that for anything. They were best friends, after all, and he was the one person at that time in her life that she whole-heartedly trusted. Even if he was currently being a massive prat, she still cared for him.

They'd only been together once before they'd decided that they were just better as friends than lovers. Then she'd started dating Oliver Wood, and she was still inexperienced, but Oliver had taken care of her and she trusted him as well.

So basically, all of her sexual experience came from Fred's youngest brother and a Quidditch player who was oftentimes on the road with the team, which truthfully equated to little time for sex.

So, she wasn't a virgin. But she sure felt like one.

She was in the middle of touching her toes for something to do when Fred walked in a snickered, jolting her into a stiff-as-a-board upright position.

"Getting ready to run a marathon?" he asked, handing her a mug of tea.

"Something like that," she murmured into her cup. She blew on the steaming liquid and sipped. "So... you have a lovely flat, despite its messiness. A lot of floor space. Are those curtains made in Persia? Because I hear Persia makes really sturdy curtains. Or perhaps that's rugs? My parents bought an Indian rug once, but as a child I'd spilt soup on it and my mother -"

Fred's hand came down onto her mouth. She stopped speaking immediately, and watched on anxiously at his amused expression. Was she being totally unbearable? She couldn't help it!

"Something tells me you're freaking out," Fred said, smiling.

"Freaking out? Who's freaking out? Certainly not me! I am - what do they say? - A-OK, something like that," Hermione rambled, stirring her tea in a way that was probably more fit for whipping cake batter. "I am the poster child of calm right now. I feel like I could take a nap, actually - not that I want to!" Then she bit her lip and forced herself to take a deep breath. "Sorry. Babbling again."

"Hermione," Fred said hesitantly. "You aren't a... you know... virgin, are you?"

"No! No, no, no." Hermione shook her head, her curls smacking her face with the motion. "Lost that a few years ago."

"Okay," Fred said, sounding only slightly relieved. "Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not totally randy and have no interest in getting in your knickers, but if you would rather we just sit and listen to the radio or something, then it would be okay. Fun, even."

"Fred," Hermione said. "I want you. I do. I'm just... I've never been very skilled in... foreplay, you know? The before part is so much more... well, it makes me twitch."

Fred had to laugh. "You know, some would argue that the build up is the best part." He carefully melted his amused grin into a softer, more seductive one. The smirk that he knew make girls' cheeks turn pink, Hermione being no exception. He gently plucked her cup out of her hand - before she gripped it so tight she shattered it. He set it on the coffee table. "The sexual tension. The anticipation. Knowing what's going to happen, and not knowing at the same time."

"Really?" Hermione said shakily as Fred stepped closer. "Because I've... always found it... rather... draining, all of the build-up..."

"You've never been with someone who knew how to use the 'before part' to their advantage," Fred said, dropping his voice. Hermione couldn't help but note how silky and soothing his tone had become, caressing her whims and tugging at her inhibitions.

"You might be right..." Hermione said, though it was getting harder to speak as Fred drew nearer, with a look in his eyes that made Hermione feel like the Wicked Witch of the West when she's doused with water. Melting.

Fred was very good at flirting, Hermione knew that. It was part of the reason his business was so successful - he knew how to charm someone, make them feel like friends long enough for them to pay up. But she had never seen his so...intent. And though she'd kissed him multiple times in the past week, she couldn't help but the proximity between their chests and his darkening eyes now were the most intimate they'd been.

Fred was close. Not touching, but close.

Hermione felt hot everywhere. Like she was suddenly being strangled by her clothes. In a good way, if that made any sense.

So this is what he meant by anticipation. Hermione could feel the air that hung between their mouths and skin. It was thick and obstructing and she wanted to rip through that air as soon as possible.

But Fred was going to take his time. She could see it.

"I'm always right," he replied with a cheeky raise of his eyebrow.

Hermione sputtered out a small laugh, but quickly quieted when she saw him raise his hand. It came up towards her shoulder, and touching one of her curls, his long finger winding the lock around its knuckle.

"This may sound silly, but, er, I always imagined that you... that you would be more of the... 'jump right into it' types," Hermione murmured, her eyes fixed to his.

"I usually am," he said nonchalantly. "But you're different. I am going to take my time with you and at the end of the night, you're going to be very pleased that I did."

There was that tingle. The tingle that started in Hermione's hands and climbed through her limbs, down her chest, to her stomach, and then lower. She suddenly was very intimate with the phrase "heat in your knickers".

"Are you going to kiss me... soon?" she asked.

"I was actually waiting for you."

"For me? To kiss you?"

"Mhmm," he hummed, smirking.

"But... why?"

"Something about the thought of you initiating tonight's activities is very sexy."

Hermione swallowed. "Um... what?"

"You're a Gryffindor," he said with a hint of taunting. "Where's the courage? Seduce me, Hermione."

Brow furrowed, Hermione said, "Okay, I'm not usually this lost... ever... but I rather thought your were the seducer right now?"

Drawing away, Fred's smirk widened. The new space between them left Hermione cold and disappointed, but she was confused once Fred flopped down onto the couch, legs open and arms rested across the top of it lazily.

"Where dwell the brave of heart," Fred reminded Hermione with a chuckle.

Hermione couldn't help but laugh incredulously. How did she get in this situation? She rubbed her hands down her face, still shaking her head and giggling.

Who knew Fred Weasley was such a tease?

Hermione decided to make this as easy as possible. In other words, get the difficult parts out of the way. She untied the bow around her waist and unbuttoned the dress, slipped off the straps, and let it drop to the floor. Hermione was satisfied by the eyebrow-raising reaction it coaxed from Fred's suave facade.

"You don't mess around, do you?" he inquired.

Hermione shook her head, standing there in nothing but her underthings - her pale pink bra and white panties. She had the urge to cover herself, but she knew Fred was right. She was a Gryffindor! She was a veteran of war! Where did all of this shyness come from?

"Is this the part where you pose coquettishly and say dirty things to me?" Fred asked as Hermione obviously debated what her next move would be.

"As if either of us could handle that without laughing," Hermione snorted. "I'm actually trying to manipulate a way to get us in the bedroom."

"We could try... walking there?"

"No passionate tumble of kissing down the hall, ragged kissing, and stumbling into the door?"

Fred said, "I thought you just said you preferred skipping all the fun before stuff?"

Hermione smacked herself in the forehead. "This is a disaster."

"Just a little bit," Fred chuckled good-naturedly. He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Listen, Hermione, if you don't feel ready for this -"

"Shut up and kiss me."

...

They were laughing hysterically. Hermione's stomach actually hurt from laughing and tears ran down her face. Fred nearly fell of the bed in his mirth, and caught himself last minute, prompting yet another round of uncontrollable laughter.

"Oh, God," Hermione gasped through her laughs. "We are... we are pathetic!"

"We really are!" Fred guffawed. "Never in my life..."

Ripping the whoopie cushion out from under her, Hermione chucked it across the room and asked, "Are there any other pranks in this bed that we should be wary of?"

"Not that I know of," Fred said, his laughter evening out into a jolly chuckle. He was still braced over her, bare chested and only in his boxers, while she remained in her underthings. "Obviously, tonight just isn't going to be the night we shag."

Giggling, Hermione raked her hands back through her tangled hair. "Obviously," she agreed, grinning widely. "I still like you, though, even if you did sabotage our passionate evening with whoopie cushions."

"Oi! I didn't even know that was there!" he defended, smile broad as he flopped down next to her, onto his back. "Trust me - no bloke in their right mind would purposefully sabotage a night of glorious lovemaking with his girlfriend. It's just not done."

Rolling onto her hip and propping her head up on her elbow, Hermione smirked and said, "Is that what I am? Your girlfriend?"

"Duh," Friend said, cheekily sticking out his tongue. "I'd be stupid not to make you my girlfriend after seeing that body. I mean, damn. If I knew that was hiding under those robes, I would have cornered you after hours back in Hogwarts."

"Hate to tell you, Fred, but in Hogwarts I was infinitely more interested in books and exams than boys." She playfully nudged him. "Not even when you had that long hair would I have been tempted."

"Long hair? You liked it like that?"

Hermione shrugged. "Looking back on it, it was cute. At the time I barely noticed."

"Right through my heart, love," Fred said dramatically, throwing his hand over his chest. "All that time and effort in school to get your attention - gone to waste."

Rolling her eyes, Hermione said, "Be honest. You couldn't stand me in school. You had a thing for Angelina Johnson, didn't you?"

"I did," he admitted. "But I had a thing for just about any bird with long legs and nice knockers."

"I have neither of those," Hermione pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "What's so interesting about me if I'm not your usual type?"

Fred shrugged. "Good question."

Hermione whacked him in the chest and laughed.

"I'm kidding!" he replied, rubbing his chest with a mockingly wounded expression. "You're plenty interesting. You read - which not many girls I know do that - and you're funny."

"Funny? Me?" she inquired skeptically.

"Sure. Especially when you're angry. Your face gets all read and your eyes get all dark and squinty and you sound like my mum - it's hilarious."

"I can't believe you just compared me to your mum when we're lying in bed half-naked together."

There was a pause.

Fred said, "I can't really believe I did either. Let's pretend that never happened."

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Did you think they were going to shag? Because I did too at first... 3. What will happen the next morning?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	15. Broken Rules

A/N. I'm hungry. Are any of you hungry? Okay, here's the deal. Before any of you start reading this chapter - and before I write it - let's all get up from our computers/phones/iPods and get ourselves something to eat, okay? Right... NOW!

Have you gotten something to eat? If so, drop a review that says what you ate. Whoever got the most interesting snack wins... a hug! From me!

Resa Fun Fact:

I am eating leftover Chinese food. It is delicious.

...~oOo~...

Chapter Fifteen: Broken Rules

When Hermione opened her eyes the next day, she thought a few things...

First. Where am I? It was quickly answered when she smelt the distinctly Fred scent covering the sheets.

Second. Why does my head hurt so much? This one took her a few more seconds, until she realized just how much she'd drank the night before.

Third. Where's Fred? This was answered by the scrumptious odor of breakfast from the kitchen, floating in through the crack in the bedroom door, and by the jolly whistle that came with it.

It took a few minutes for Hermione to wrap her mind around what had happened the night before. Lying on her back, Hermione ran a hand back through her disastrous hair.

She had very almost slept with Fred Weasley. She had then inadvertently fell on top of a whoopie cushion. Then Fred had called her his girlfriend. After that, they'd fallen asleep in one another's arms, both half-naked, with smiles cresting their mouths.

Hermione's ears perked up when she heard not one, but two voices chattering in the kitchen. The walls were thin in the apartment, but not thin enough for her to hear exactly what they were saying, so Hermione slid herself out of the bed and looked around Fred's room for something to wear. She found his old Quidditch shirt from Hogwarts and a pair of his boxers.

Padding out of the bedroom on bare feet, as she walked down the hall and closer to where breakfast is being made, she heard quite clearly that it was George who was talking to Fred.

"So... how was she?" Hermione heard George ask.

"Wouldn't know," Fred answered back.

Hermione leaned against the wall next to the kitchen, so that she could hear without them seeing her. It wasn't eavesdropping, she was just curious!

"Really?" George asked skeptically. "Your goal all along is to get in those cute knickers of hers and you still haven't managed it? Pathetic."

"Shut up, George," a female voice said. Amy! She sounded none to thrilled that morning, either, probably nursing her own hangover. "You're being insensitive. And loud. Why are you so loud?"

"I'm sorry, love," George said sweetly. "But I am just baffled by my brother. I hadn't suspected him to be so serious about Hermione, and now he's practicing celibacy? I mean, really, what kind of relationship is that?"

"Merlin, George," Fred said. "I'm not celibate, last night just didn't work out in the shagging department, but it worked out in many other - better - ways. We're together for real now. Like you and Amy."

"Aw," Amy sighed, quietly. "I, for one, and ecstatic. Say, if I marry George and you marry Hermione, Fred, does that make us... twin-in-laws?"

"Whoa," Fred said abruptly. "Who says anything about marriage? Are you barmy?"

"It was just a thought," Amy groused.

"Well, get the thought out of your head, you crazy Muggle," Fred told her.

Amy grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like swear words when Hermione decided she was done with the spying and made her entrance.

"Good morning," George said with definite sexual undertones, wagging his eyebrows at Hermione's ensemble. He was leaning against the counter, a few feet from his twin.

"Quiet, George," Hermione said, walking over to where Fred was attempting to man the stove and reach up to kiss his cheek. "Hello, Fred."

"Hello, love," Fred answered with a grin.

"And good morning, Amy," Hermione said with sympathetic quietness. Amy was leaning forward on the table with a greenish complexion and dark circles under her eyes. Her blonde hair was in a lazy half-up do and her clothing was sort of mismatched. She'd obviously had a miserable morning.

Amy mumbled something in response and Hermione sat next to her at the table, rubbing her friend's shoulder. "Can I get you a Hangover Potion? That should be safe enough for Muggles."

Amy was shaking her head. "George already gave me one. It doesn't have much effect on me, apparently. One of those stupid side-effects of not having magic. It just made me vomit, which did kind of make me feel better, I suppose."

"Then I'll get you some Aspirin then," Hermione said, summoning her beaded bag from the living room and digging around inside of it before pulling out a little white plastic bottle and shaking out two little pills for Amy and got her a glass of water.

"God bless you, Hermione," Amy muttered, downing the pills and water. "I am so happy you come from Muggles."

"Sometimes, so am I," Hermione said with a wink. "Purebloods don't know everything."

"Oi!" Fred and George protested in unison.

"What ain't true," Fred refuted.

"We know plenty!"

"We even know how to drive, you know."

"Took us a little while, yeah, but we figured it out well enough!"

"Granted, it did fly -"

"And we did almost crash a few times -"

"And we did take out a few traffic signs -"

"And sheep -"

"But we did it!" they finished in unison.

Amy blinked owlishly. "I'm sorry... what's this about flying cars?"

Hermione sighed heavily. "I'm not entirely sure you want to know."

...~oOo~...

"We all know I'm not the brightest of wizards," Harry said slowly while he and Hermione had some tea at the Burrow, "so I think you'll need to fill in the blanks."

Hermione looked out the kitchen window at the sunny day outside and all the kids playing, Fred and George encouraging mischief among them, and the parents chattering without paying attention to their offspring. Bill was nearby, gathering a few of the kids, whispering to them in a huddle, rallying them for something.

"We were all at the pub... you and Fred left... and then you show up holding hands and kissing like its nothing," Harry said. "For the life of me, I cannot understand how you went from a fake relationship to a real one. You didn't... ahem... _you know_... did you?"

"Honestly," Hermione said on a little, unbelieving breathy laugh, "we almost did. But... my classic clumsiness and penchant for utter awkwardness may or may not have killed the mood."

Harry chuckled. "Oh, Hermione... that is just... hilarious."

"Shut up, Harry," Hermione mumbled. "What really happened was that I sort of spilled out my feelings for him in a drunken blaze of courage and then I ruined the mood, and just when the mood was nearly rekindled, I landed on a whoopie cushion which put us into fits until we both calmed down and just sort of talked for the next few hours. It was... nice."

"You know," Luna said, coming up from behind them - seemingly out of nowhere - "refraining from sex on the first night with a new lover is good luck."

Hermione gave a little jump at the new arrival, but Harry seemed to be used to his girlfriend appearing out of thin air at strange moments. Harry reached out and threaded his fingers through Luna's and said, "Is that right, darling?"

"Very much so," Luna said. "For example, the first night you and I spent together and you were so nervous and -"

Harry started coughing obnoxiously and patting his girlfriend's shoulder, his face bright red. "Luna, beautiful Luna, I don't think it's proper to talk about such... intimate things... in front of company."

"Truly?" Luna inquired, cocking her head to the side curiously. "How peculiar. I talk about how wonderful you are in bed all the time."

Eyes wide behind his glasses, Harry's face went red.

Hermione giggled. "Where do you talk about Harry's bedrooms prowess?"

"I work in a department with mostly men," Luna explained in that light, airy voice of hers. "They all talk about their wives and girlfriends, so I talk about Harry." She rested her head lovingly on his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I've embarrassed you."

Harry cleared his throat. "As long as it was all, you know, _good_ things... I suppose there's no harm done."

"Typical man," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. "What if she told you bad things? What would you say then?"

"Well, I'd probably cry," Harry admitted, pouring the tea. "And then never leave Grimauld ever again."

Luna, smiling serenely, continued to rest her cheek against Harry's back while he prepared his own and Hermione's tea. One of her hand rested delicately on his stomach. Harry was smiling softly to himself, even, at the feel of his tiny, soft girlfriend pressed to him.

The love between them was so prominent in that moment that Hermione felt herself hunger for the same thing. She wanted that quiet intimacy, that knowing that someone else was thinking about her at the same time she thought about them. She saw it with Ginny and Gabi the other night, and she saw it now with Harry and Luna. And at one time, she saw it between Bill and Fleur, but they were only proof that not all love lasts forever.

But Hermione wanted someone to have someone forever.

And somewhere deep in her rather large, quite brilliant mind, she wondered fleetingly if maybe - just maybe - Fred could be her forever.

...

Uncle Bilius cleared his throat, trying to be louder than the commotion of excited couples around him. "Oi! Quiet, you morons! Do you want to hear the rules for the maze or not?"

"Hey! Uncle Bilius!" Ginny called out, making his way up through the crowd of couples and bystanders, waiting for the newest challenge to begin. Trailing behind her, held by their hands, was Gabi, who looked a little out-of-sorts among the masses of gingers.

When Gabi had showed up at breakfast that day, Molly had two questions. The first being where the hell Hermione was. The second was why the hell Gabi was there. Ginny had wrote it off, saying Hermione was spending the night with the twins and Gabi was her friend.

But now Gabi was looking shy and nervous and beautiful, her blonde hair pulled up into a sporty ponytail and wearing a pretty light purple dress and Ginny was wearing a pair of short-length overalls from when she was younger, her hair also pulled up.

"Yes, favorite niece of mine?" Uncle Bilius said with a laugh. "Glad to see you 'round, kiddo. What'd'ya need?"

"I was wondering if there was any chance for last-minute participants?" Ginny said, nodding to Gabi and her. "We don't want to compete for the Cup, just play the game if that's okay?"

"Sure thing," Uncle Bilius said. "Cute girl, by the way."

"Wait, wait, wait," Ron said. "This is a couples' game. Like, boyfriend-girlfriend game?"

Gabi blinked innocently and said in her lilting French accent, "Eet cannot be girlfriend-girlfriend game?"

Ron said, "I dunno what 'girlfriend' means in French, but here it means like... kissing and stuff."

"I kiss." Gabi pressed her mouth to Ginny's cheek.

Everyone from the pub the other night was trying to hold back their laughter. They were about ninety percent sure that Gabi was playing dumb on purpose, drawing out Ron's awkwardness.

"Not like... _that_ kind of kissing," Ron persisted, his ears getting red.

"You show me how you mean?" Gabi asked, her blue eyes wide and inquiring. She gestured at Pansy, making it clear what she meant.

Ron and Pansy exchanged looked and Pansy, before Ron could even pucker up, said, "No! Absolutely not! Away, Weasley!"

"You date, yes?" Gabi went on.

"W-w-well, I mean, not r-really..." Ron stammered.

Fred and George mock-gasped.

Fred said, "You mean to say..."

"You two aren't..." George added.

"Really..."

"Dating?!"

"CHEATERS!" the twins shouted in unison, pointing dramatically at the two offenders, Ron and Pansy.

This caused a murmur of reproach among the crowds of adults and cousins. And a sigh of relief from Mrs. Weasley, but not many saw that.

"Is this true?" Arthur Weasley asked. "Because that does break the rules, Ronald."

"Yeah, but... Fred and Hermione are cheating too! They aren't really dating either!" Ron immediately exclaimed, pointing at them.

"I highly doubt that," Arthur said, with a quizzical furrow of his brow. "She spent the night at his flat, didn't she?"

There was a scandalous murmur among the bystanders, and Molly scolded loudly, "Arthur!"

"And they're always kissing," Uncle Bilius pointed out. "Impossible to separate those two, really. Now, Ron and Pansy, there's no choice but to disqualify you from the games."

"Awww!" a bunch of family members uttered sympathetically. Ron was scowling, his whole face red, and Pansy was crossing her arms and looking quite thoroughly hacked off.

Hermione felt guilty. She and Fred had been lying just as much as Ron and Pansy until recently and it wasn't fair that they were the ones getting punished.

"He's telling the truth!" Hermione said reluctantly.

Fred and George smacked themselves in the foreheads.

"Well... I mean... kind of..." Hermione sputtered, feeling her cheeks grow pink. Dozens of eyes were on her, then and she suddenly wished she'd just kept her mouth shut. "Well, we started off as lying, but... Fred and I really are together now..."

"Wait!" Molly said, holding her hands up. "Just one minute, you two! You mean to tell me that when you first got here... you two weren't really together?"

Hermione nodded and Fred groaned.

"But what does it matter?" George cut in for them. "They're together now! Hell, they've technically been together the whole time, it just took a couple of days and a few good snogs to pull their heads out of their arses!"

"It's true," Harry uttered as Bill and Charlie joined in, nodding, and saying, "Yeah, pretty much," and "unfortunately, yes". Ginny was also nodding, vigorously, adding, "Most definitely!" Luna was saying, "Though, it might have been the Wargacks..."

"I say they should be disqualified too," Auggie said, his wife nodding with him. "They had been lying!"

"Shut up, you great prat," Bill snapped. "You're just frustrated that you and your wife can't hold up to two people that weren't even romantically involved."

Percy said, "It's only fair, Bill. This game is for couples and they weren't a couple at the beginning."

"This is rubbish!" Fred said loudly. "It's just a bloody picnic competition, people! Hardly the Tri-Wizard Tournament!"

Everyone got quiet quickly when they realized how silly they'd been sounding.

"So..." Gabi said in the silence. "You two no kiss, then?"

Ginny chuckled. "No, Gabi, they don't kiss."

"We kiss," Gabi told Ron with a touch of haughtiness in her tone, like _Hah! I have a girlfriend and you don't! _

Ron huffed, "We just went through this, Gabi! It isn't the same."

"Not same as this?" Gabi grabbed Ginny by the overall strap and pulled her down into a full, mouth-on-mouth kiss.

Needless to say, the family was a little distracted from the rule-breakers for a little while after that.

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What do you think Molly's reaction will be to Ginny and Gabi? 3. Will Ron, Pansy, Fred, and Hermione be disqualified?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


	16. Three Legs, Four People

A/N. I know, it's been a while, my lovely Holiday fans. I was very distracted by my Tricksters (fans of Trick of Time). If you have a clever name to call yourselves, the Holiday fans, then put it in a review *smiles*

I had the baby! Yey! He's a beautiful baby boy and if you want to know his name... you must read Trick of Time! MWAHAHAHA! (shameless self-advertising). Or, you know, you can just read the last few author's notes on that story, or just the reviews, but... well, that would kind of being cheating, wouldn't it?

I've posted a new story entitled As Summers Die. It's another time-travel story (my very last one! No more wacky timeline issues for this author!) and its about Hermione (of course... I always write about Hermione...) and Lucius Malfoy, who I may or may not have a bad-boy crush on.

Little recap: Hermione, Fred, Ron, and Pansy have been caught for their fake romances by the family (Ron opened his big gob) and are faced with disqualification in the Couples Cup. During this madness, Gabi decides to give her girlfriend Ginny some sugar in front of everyone.

And yes, I DID think up the game of Stone, Cloak, Wand... so if you want to use it, please just ask first *smiles*

...~oOo~...

Chapter Sixteen: Three Legs, Four People

"Does this mean we're still in the game?"

"Fred, what does your sister coming out of the closet and your mother's hospitalization have anything to do with our rule-breaking?" Hermione asked, quirking an eyebrow at her boyfriend.

"Well, Mum fainted, so I reckon we've got bigger problems now," he answered. "I was kind of hoping everyone forgot."

Hermione shook her head. "I can't believe, of all times to worry about the Cup, you've chosen right now to worry about it."

The waiting room at St. Mungo's had never been so packed. Those with small children had stayed back at the Burrow, but the rest of them were taking up every inch of space in every waiting room on every level.

"And trust me, we haven't forgot," Percy said grumpily, sitting a few chairs over. Audrey sat next to him, her ankles crossed, and looking quite nervous. It wasn't every day you went to a picnic with your boyfriend ending with a trip to the hospital. "You still cheated."

"Will you shut up about that?" Bill growled from where he stood across the way, leaning against a wall. "You're just arse-sore because it's taken you a decade to get a girlfriend and it only took Fred a few days."

"This is so weird..." Amy mumbled, looking beyond the room to the corridors leading to the emergency wards. "There's no machinery or anything." Her eyes widened when she saw a patient being levitated.

"Shh..." George whispered. "Don't look so curious. If they find out you're a Muggle, they'll kick you out and end up getting Obliviated at the Ministry."

Amy closed her mouth. She had no clue what it meant to be Obliviated, but it didn't sound very nice at all.

Ron was pouting and Pansy was filing her nails. She was obviously unconcerned about everything that was going on - the potential disqualification, Mrs. Weasley's fainting episode - and Ron was just hacked off.

"You can both be kicked out of the game," George said. "It would be dreadfully boring with less people."

"And the board is already bewitched for six teams," Ron pointed out, a bit too quickly.

"Well... Gabi and I could take one of those slots," Ginny said, sounding hopeful. She and Gabi were sitting not far from Ron and Pansy. Gabi looked terribly guilty as she tapped her foot and held her girlfriend's hand.

"Yeah, but that leaves one more... and the way the scoreboard works is that there has to be six active teams," Fred points out. "Dad made it himself."

"And that's supposed to mean it works?"

"_Shut up, Pansy_," the twins, Bill, and Percy said all at once.

"I have an idea!" Amy said, sitting up straighter. "How about only one couple gets disqualified. They can compete to determine which leaves and which keeps playing."

Everyone stared at her for a while. Slowly, Amy's confident smile fell as the creeping feeling that she said something wrong came over her. She shrunk back in her seat.

"That's... brilliant!" Hermione said.

Everyone was nodding in agreement, Bill looking distinctly impressed. George gave Amy a big wet kiss on her cheek.

"What will the competition be, though?" Pansy asked, one sharp eyebrow raised. The Slytherin ambition in her was shining through.

"Eating contest!" Ron exclaimed.

"No," Hermione said, very firmly. "Ronald, you could put away a Hippogriff without blinking. It has to be fair."

"We could play Stone Cloak Wand," Fred said.

Hermione and Amy both looked equally confused.

"You've never heard of it before?" Fred asked Hermione.

She shook her head.

"Well, it's a hand game with the Deathly Hallows," Fred explained. "Wand destroys Cloak, Cloak covers Stone, Stone breaks Wand."

"Rock Paper Scissors!" Amy and Hermione said in unison, their eyes bright and wide.

"Whassat?" Ron asked, brow furrowed.

Amy and Hermione shared a Muggle moment, shaking their heads.

"Let me guess, you form your hands like this," Amy said. She and Hermione made their hands flat, then clenched them into fists, and finally they altered the "scissors" symbol by just poking out their pointer finger.

Harry, from behind them, shook his head. "I can't believe this is a game. I've had enough of the Deathly Hallows for a lifetime."

"Don't be a sourpuss," George told him teasingly. "We can't all take credit for owning the Cloak, breaking the Wand, and losing the Stone."

"He dropped it in a forest," Fred said mournfully, shaking his head. "One of the most powerful magical objects of all time."

"It's better there, trust me," Harry mumbled. Luna squeezed his hand sympathetically.

"Wait," Ron said, holding up a hand. "Isn't Hermione learning Legilimency for her work at the Ministry? Isn't playing Stone Cloak Wand with a Legilimens counterproductive?"

"I'm shocked you know the word counterproductive," Percy sniffed. "Much less how to apply it correctly in conversation."

"Shut up, Perce," Ron grumbled.

"It's not as if I have my wand out," Hermione pointed out.

"Well, I dunno how you mind-readers work," Ron said defensively. "How can we really know for sure if you need your wand?"

"Snape didn't need his wand for it," Harry said, playing devil's advocate between his friends.

"See!" Ron said triumphantly. "It wouldn't be fair."

Fred and Hermione huffed. This was going to take forever.

Strolling into the waiting room came Arthur Weasley and they all turned, eager to hear the news on Molly.

Arthur straightened his glasses, looking at all of them strangely. "All of you are still here? Mum was sent home an hour ago. Didn't you hear? No wonder the house seemed so empty."

...~oOo~...

"This isn't fair! Hermione is a... _muggle-born_," Pansy sneered. "I've never heard of this bloody game in my entire life!"

Everyone rolled their eyes. They were all quickly getting sick of Pansy's whining ever since the announcement of what would be the competition between the two rule-breaking teams.

"It's not just a Muggle game," Hermione said for the thousandth time. "It's mostly magical."

"Still," Pansy said as Arthur approached her and Ron with a length of rope. "What does tying our legs together have to do with anything?"

Hermione tested moving her and Fred's conjoined legs. They were bound together by a charmed piece of rope. It was unbreakable and unable to be untied by anyone other than Mr. Weasley. Hermione yanked her ankle and Fred stumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Hermione said, biting her lip and grabbing his shirt as he rebalanced.

"It's alright, love," Fred said, giving her hand a squeeze. "We've got this thing in the bag. Ron can't walk with two feet let alone adding a third."

"It's a very simple game," Uncle Bilius said, crossing his arms. "Tied to your partner, you race through the maze. First one to emerge from the exit -" he pointed to the arch in the corn a few yards from the entrance arches - "wins their slot on the scoreboard. The other couple gets disqualified from the Couples Cup altogether, replaced by our lovely resident Ladies in Love, Ginny and Gabi - whom I love unconditionally, with no regard for sexual preference at all."

Ginny smirked. "Thanks, Uncle Bilius."

He winked at his niece. "Always, Little Gin. Now, you two sets of cheaters, hand over your wands and hobble your way on over to your gates."

The sun was in the middle of setting, and Hermione wondered how dark it would be in the maze once night fell completely.

...

"I can't see a bloody thing."

"Can you shorten your stride just a tad, maybe? You have really long legs."

"Admiring my legs, are you?"

Hermione chuckled. "If I could see, perhaps. But I can't."

"How long have we been in here?"

"Well, I'd look at my watch, but I don't have my wand to make a light so I can see the watch. But I'd guess an hour."

"Why don't we try that trick where we put our hand on the left wall and follow that until we find our way out," Fred suggested. "Isn't that a thing?"

"Well... we could try, I suppose, but isn't this a magical maze? The paths change, don't they?"

There was a long pause as they walked. "You know what?" Fred finally said. "I have no fucking clue. This could be as Muggle as Amy and I wouldn't be able to tell you."

"How do you think Ron and Pansy are doing?"

"Well, if I know my brother - and I like to think that I do - then he's probably already neared starvation and has started gnawing on Pansy's hands."

"Or she's started gnawing off her own leg just to get away from him."

"Good point," Fred said.

"So, I have a question."

"Yes, my beautiful, very real-and-not-fake girlfriend?"

"When you and George are together, you're pretty in-sync, right? Well, what happens when you're apart. Like right now. Are you two still in sync, do you know what the other is thinking...?" She knew it was a stupid question, but it'd bugged her since she met them. Hermione had this theory that the connection between a set of Muggle twins and the connection between a set of wizarding twins were different.

"You see, George and I having been fooling everyone this entire time," Fred said.

Hermione's eyes got big and listened eagerly. "Really?"

"Really. The truth is... there's only one of us. I ate George in the womb and duplicated myself, so really it's just two Me's."

Hermione yanked her ankle away hard and listened as Fred fell to the ground with a loud thump.

"Was that necessary?" he groaned from the ground.

The smirk could be heard in her voice. "It was."

...

"I hate you," Pansy said with pure, unfiltered loathing. "I cannot believe I let you of all people talk me into coming to this stupid, ginger picnic, littered with blood traitors and Muggles."

"Well, I'm not exactly thrilled with you either, Pansy," Ron said, sounding miffed. "If you'd just bloody kissed me when Gabi was messing with us -"

"All you said I had to do this week, Weasley, was win a blasted Cup with a bunch of your idiot cousins," Pansy said, stopping short and causing Ron to trip into the wall to their right. "My going out with you after Brown dumped your sorry arse was a lapse in judgment, and if you remember correctly - _you_ ended it with _me_. So don't act all indignant that I didn't want your tongue anywhere near mine."

"Don't tell me the infamously cold-hearted Pansy Parkinson actually had hurt feelings," Ron said, rolling his eyes and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"No!" Pansy said snidely. "You're just a lousy kisser and I didn't want to relive the horrors of it."

"For a Slytherin, you're a pretty shite liar, Pansy."

"I'd rather be a Slytherin who can't like than a cowardly Gryffindor."

Pansy was expecting Ron to get all angry and hard-headed and mumble out some sort of string of swears. She hadn't expected to have her face caught between his two rather large hands and have his mouth crash onto hers. Since it was dark, only half his mouth made onto hers, but with a quick readjustment, their lips were aligned and he was kissing her hard.

Pansy was about to knee him in the bollocks with his own knee when her face and neck got hot. She'd kissed Weasley before, but he was normally all nervousness and hesitance. But now he was kissing her... well, with determination.

As a Slytherin, she respected that.

Respected it so much in fact, she decided she might just let him shag her in the middle of the maze.

And he did.

Ron grinned and gave himself a mental pat on the back. _Not so cowardly now, am I?_

...~oOo~...

Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Who's going to make it out of the maze first? 3. Oh, jeez, Ron and Pansy. What will happen with those two?

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


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